MIRIAM: (GRUNTS)
Almost got it.
Another little inch.
Oh... sugar!
(SIGHS) Now it rolled
all the way into the back.
Honey, could you give me
a hand up here?
No, Miriam, I can't.
I'm busy making my lunch.
Why, Helga?
It's not lunchtime.
It's tomorrow's lunch, Miriam.
And if I don't make it,
no one else is gonna
make it for me.
Oh... (GROANS)
Criminy! What the heck
is wrong with you?
Can't you do
anything right?
(TOILET FLUSHES)
Hey, hey, what's
all the racket in here?
Miriam was trying
to get her tabasco
and she knocked
a shelf down. Again.
Oh, cripes, Miriam.
How many times
have I told you not
to put it up so darn high?
Now move aside, and
let a man show you
how it's done.
(BONES CRACK)
(SCREAMS) My back!
B, are you okay?
Do you want me
to call a doctor, Dad?
No way.
We Patakis are fast healers.
I'll be good as new
in a week or two.
A week or two.
Are you kidding, Dad?
You can't stay home
that long. You've got
a beeper empire to run.
Relax, kid, I can run
the beeper empire right
from the old couch here.
I mean, it's not like
I've got any big meetings
coming up or anything.
Oh, criminy,
I totally forgot!
Bubniak and Krapowski
are flying in from Buffalo
to close a major deal.
Oh, it's too late to cancel.
I'm gonna have to get
someone to take my place.
Helga, what are you
doing tomorrow?
I've got school, Dad.
Right, right,
come on, Bob, think.
Who could you send?
Well, I'm free tomorrow, B.
You... (CHUCKLES)
go to the meeting?
That has got to be
the stupidest idea
I've ever heard.
The girl is right, Miriam.
I mean, these guys
are heavy-hitters.
They're sharks.
They'd eat you alive!
Now, listen you two.
I think that
you ought to give me
a little more credit
because... because
I can do this.
I can take a meeting
as good as the next guy.
Forget it, Miriam.
It ain't gonna happen.
Besides, my back's starting
to feel better already.
(BONES CRACK)
(SCREAMS) Mother scratcher!
All right, Miriam. You win.
You can go to the meeting.
You better not screw this up.
You just get them
to sign the papers,
then it's straight home.
Got it?
Of course, B.
Straight home.
Now where the heck
could she be?
That meeting should've
ended hours ago.
Don't look at me.
I told you it was
a dumb idea to let her go.
(DOOR OPENS)
B, Helga, I'm home.
Finally, Miriam.
Now get your patoot in here
and tell me what happened
before I explode.
Well, let's see.
First we shared
a nice lunch
of pizza and wings.
And then we went
to the Pastry Palace
for coffee and...
Oh, those yummy little
donut hole thingies
that I love so...
Faster, Miriam.
Ah.
Uh, right, okay,
then, I guess
Jim and Hank signed
the papers and tripled
their order of beepers.
Wasn't that sweet of them?
Tripled their order?
You didn't lower
the price, did you?
Of course not, B.
I just explained to them
the benefit of buying in bulk.
Wow, Mom, that's...
that's incredible.
I know. And it's
not even the best part.
It's not?
Uh-uh.
The guys decided
to stay in town an extra day
to look at our selection
of cell phones.
I'm meeting them
at the store tomorrow.
That's great, Mom.
Yeah, that's great.
Helga, get over here
and scratch my foot,
would you?
Morning, everybody!
Miriam? What in the heck
happened to you?
Nothing happened, B.
I just wanted to look
more professional.
You know, for my meeting
with the Buffalo guys.
But, but...
Come on, honey. I'll give you
a lift to school.
Uh, Miriam.
Wait a minute. Miriam.
(DOOR OPENS)
(DOOR CLOSES)
How bad could she
mess things up anyway?
(EXCLAIMS) Look at this.
Talk shows and soap operas
on every stinking channel.
(SCOFFS) Be a cold day
in Havana before I watch
any of this junk.
Bye. Thanks for the ride.
Hey, Helga.
Was that your mom?
As a matter of fact,
Arnold-o, it was.
When did she
get her license back?
Well, technically, she hasn't.
But she has to get to work.
See, she's filling in
for my dad
at the beeper emporium,
and she wanted
to give me a lift to school.
Pretty boss, huh?
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
(PHONE RINGS)
Ah!
Big Bob's Beepers.
No, Bob isn't here.
But I would be
happy to help you.
Wow, Helga.
That's quite a spread.
All the food groups
are well represented.
Yeah, can you believe
Miriam made it?
Hey, Dad,
is Miriam home yet?
No, Colden,
don't kiss her.
She's Meg's
identical twin sister.
Never mind. Mom?
You home? Mom?
Oh, you kissed her!
Now the wedding
will be completely ruined.
Hey, there, little lady.
Hey, Mom. What's going on?
How was work today?
Oh, honey, it was incredible.
You should've seen me.
I was answering phones,
I was doing paperwork,
I even sold some cell phones
to Jim and Hank.
I swear, Helga,
being at the office
makes me feel like
a whole new person.
You know? In fact,
I have decided to go back
each and every day.
Sounds great.
Oh, it is, honey.
It's just wonderful.
I'm telling you...
(INHALES DEEPLY)
(SIGHS)
I haven't been
this happy in years.
Then I guess I better
go do by homework
and let you get back to it.
(EXCLAIMS)
Wait, Helga.
Why don't you
just do your homework
in here with me?
Okay, I'll go get my stuff.
Okay.
Uh-uh. Uh-uh. Uh-uh.
I was thinking
something flashy, you know?
With lots of singing
and dancing and...
(PHONE RINGS)
Oh, hold on a second.
Miriam here, well...
Mom...
You wanna return them?
(GASPS) Oh, I'm sorry,
you signed a
non-refundable contract.
So I'm afraid
what you're asking is really
just out of the question.
Well, all righty then,
that's up to you.
I'll see you in court.
Okay, bye-bye.
Now where were we?
Oh, yeah,
the commercial, right.
Hey, Mom,
I'm ready to go.
(SNORING)
Bob.
Do you know
where Miriam is?
She's supposed
to drive me to school
and she's not home.
Bob!
Come on, Meg.
Put the knife down.
(MUMBLES)
Ooh, Mother cut the crust off,
precisely how I like it.
What's wrong, Helga?
Oh, gosh. Did your mom
forget to pack your lunch?
Yeah, I guess she did.
(SIGHS)
Is Miriam there?
No, that's okay,
I don't need to hold.
(SNORING)
Hey Helga.
Are you okay?
Huh?
Well, you seem
kind of distracted.
Plus your ice cream
is melting all over your hand.
Yeah, well, uh,
I was thinking.
Thinking about what?
About nothing that's any
of your beeswax, Arnold-o.
Fine.
All right,
if you have to know.
I'm trying to figure out how
I'm gonna tell Miriam that
even though she loves working
and even though
she's really great at it,
and even though
she's never been happier
in her whole entire life,
that I need her
to give all that up
and come back home.
I mean, all she does is work.
All she cares about is work.
She's gone off the deep end,
for cripes' sakes.
Everything was
fine for a while
but now things
are worse than ever.
Well, why don't you
tell her exactly
what you just told me?
(MUSIC PLAYING)
♪ Beepers
♪ Beepers
♪ Beepers
♪ Beepers
♪ Beepers
are a girl's
♪ best
(BEEPERS BEEPING)
Whoops, somebody beeped me.
♪ ...friend ♪
And cut!
Okay, Larry, I need
an icky on the dancers.
Mom.
Helga! What on Earth
are you doing here?
I need you for a minute, Mom.
I mean,
I need to talk to you.
You need me
for a minute, Mom.
Well, listen,
I am sorry, Helga,
but this, this is just
not a good time.
I mean, we're gonna be
back on in five minutes
and they need me.
So, whatever it is,
it's just gonna have to wait
until later, okay? So...
Go on, bye-bye.
Go do your homework
or something.
All right, Tom, listen,
you wanna play me back
that last take?
HELGA ON TAPE:
I need you for a minute, Mom.
I mean,
I need to talk to you.
You need me
for a minute, Mom.
Well, listen,
I am sorry, Helga,
but this, this is just
not a good time.
I mean, we're gonna be
back on in five minutes
and they need me.
So, whatever it is,
it's just gonna have to wait
until later, okay? So...
Go on, bye-bye.
Go do your homework
or something.
Helga, sweetie?
Mom?
What are you doing here?
Oh, I need
to talk to you, dear.
But what about
your commercial?
Don't they need you?
It's not important.
It's not?
No, Helga, in fact,
the only thing
that is important to me,
honey, is you.
Really?
Yes, Helga.
I realize I have been
so preoccupied at work
that I haven't
had time for you and so...
I've decided to quit
and come back home.
Mom, you love work.
You love being in charge
and independent.
You can't just give
all that up just like that.
Oh, yes, I can,
little lady.
And do you know why?
Because I've got
the rest of my life
to go back to work.
I mean, I can be in charge
and independent any old time.
But I've only got right now
to be a better mom.
And that is what
I'm gonna do.
After all, you won't be
eight forever, you know.
I'm nine, Mom.
(GASPS) You're nine.
Well, see, now,
that's exactly my point.
So what do you say, dear?
Can we go home
and give it another shot?
BIG BOB: All right,
Miriam, you win.
I'll go back to work.
But I'm warning you,
I don't think my back's
completely healed yet.
Trust me, B.
A day off the couch will
do you a world of good.
Ah, fine. But don't you
dare forget to tape
Physician's Hospital.
Today is Colden
and Meg's wedding.
Relax, B. I've already
programmed the VCR.
Now, don't forget
about your 4:00 meeting.
And be careful.
Those guys are sharks!