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Helga
- Me, Mom and Dad are supposed to visit my grandma in South Dakota.
Arnold
- Sounds like fun.
Helga
- I'd rather have a root canal.
Miriam
- Helga, do you remember what road we're supposed to take next?
Helga
- How on Earth should I know? You're the adult in this car.
Miriam
- I wrote the directions on the back of the envelope. (accidentally drives the car off the road)
Helga
- Watch the road! (Miriam notices and accidentally loses the directions)
Miriam
- Oopsie!
Helga
- Great, mom! You lost the directions.
Miriam
- Oh, well, that's okay, you know, cause I have a map. (Helga pulls out a map)
Helga
- Mom, this is a map of Wankyland. Great! You lost the directions; we’re totally lost on the road to nowhere, with a map of Wankyland.
Miriam
- Have a little faith in me, Helga. (Helga then sees an oncoming truck)
Helga
- TRUCK! (Helga and Miriam move out of the way, off the road, through a corn field, through the fence, and into a pond. Helga then sees a cow moo which makes her scream)
Miriam
- Oh look, Helga! A cow!
Helga
- Mom, please tell me you didn’t leave your purse on top of the car again!
Miriam
- Helga, you know, I think that that is exactly what happened.
Helga
- Well, you've done a great job so far, Miriam. You lost the map, you ran us off the road, you left your purse on top of the car again and we're stuck in the middle of nowhere. I'm nine years old, mom. You're the parent. You're supposed to take care of me, but you couldn't even do that. Face it, Miriam. You're a lousy mom. (Miriam is surprised to hear this) Look, I'm hungry. I'm gonna go get a cheeseburger.