Parents Day/Transcript

Episode

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Transcript

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Credits

Act One

Mountain Island

(In the jungle, while some animals pass by, we now see Arnold's actual parents who are running through the place as there are jungle natives chasing after them. They try throwing spears at them, but they are thrown at a tree. Arnold's parents stop at a ledge where there is a waterfall below. Arnold's father, Miles, points to a tree branch so he manages to use his whip and get it to grab onto it. Arnold's mother, Stella, hangs onto her husband while they try swing to the other side of the ledge, but the branch snaps, leaving Miles and Stella to fall in the water. The natives look on and leave. After the experience happened, Miles comes back up to the surface and sees Stella's hand as he grabs it and gets up, and now they run to the other side of the jungle. They see their biplane that is safe in the water. Alligators come to them and they are ambushed by them. Stella and Miles nod to each other as they thought of a good idea; they grab onto the vines, swing above the gators and manage to get into the biplane's seats)

Miles

(to Stella) Still got the serum?

Stella

(holding a bag) Right here.

(Mile starts the biplane and they take off into the air)

Phil

(narrating) And that's how your parents got the orchid serum out of the forbidden jungle and brought it back to save the village from the sleeping sickness, Arnold.

Arnold's Room

(The scene now fades into Arnold's room where Grandpa Phil was telling the story)

Arnold

When they get out of the jungle just in time? That's my favorite part. Then what happened, Grandpa?

Phil

Oop, no, no, no, I'll tell you tomorrow, same time, same place. (walks to the door)

Arnold

Aww. Just one more story?

Phil

No. Always leave 'em asking for more, Short Man. Good night.

(Arnold goes to sleep)

Mr. Simmons' classroom

Mr. Simmons

Boys and girls, I'm passing out another flier to remind you about Parents' Tournament Weekend.

(All the students agree except for Arnold who is upset that his parents aren't with him)

Mr. Simmons

Parents' Tournament Weekend will be a heartfelt celebration of those special people: your moms and dads, who take the responsibility to raise, to teach and protect you.

Helga

Cut to the chase, Simmons. What are the prizes?

Mr. Simmons

The team with the highest score will win this handsome trophy. (shows a trophy) And the second and third-place winners will get these attractive ribbons. (shows a ribbon)

Stinky

(turns to Arnold) Are you coming, too, Arnold? I mean, by bringing your grandma and grandpa's parents? Since you don't have no-- (gets poked hard by Gerald) Ow!

Gerald

Shh! Stinky! (gestures to Arnold)

Mr. Simmons

So tell your parents. You need a good night's sleep, boys and girls. The festivities start first thing tomorrow morning.

(Arnold is still worried)

The Street

Gerald

Man, I can't wait for the Parents' Tournament, Arnold. It's gonna be a blast; sack races, egg tosses, that gladiator triathlon thing.

Arnold

(walks up to the Boarding House door) Yeah, I don't think I wanna go, though.

Gerald

(surprised) Huh? Why not?

Arnold

Everyone's gonna be there with their parents. And I've just got my grandparents.

Gerald

What, are you crazy? Your grandma's a karate master. Your grandpa can bench-press 210 pounds. They're coolest grandparents I know. You guys'll kick butt, Arnold.

Arnold

All the same. I just hope grandma and grandpa forgot about the Parents' Tournament.

The Sunset Arms' Living Room

Gertie

(exercises while wearing a karate gi) 97, 98, 99...

(It is revealed that Gertie is on Phil's back who is doing the exercise for her while she is sitting crisscross)

Phil

100! Okay, Pookie, you can get off me now. (sees Arnold come in) Hey, Arnold! Can't wait to take on the young whippersnappers at Parents' Tournament weekend tomorrow. Right, Pookie.

Gertie

(bows) Hai!

(Arnold leaves the room)

Arnold's Room

(Arnold is in bed, looking at a picture of his parents in his hands. Knocks are heard at his door. He places his picture in a drawer and lays down)

Arnold

Come in.

(It is Phil coming in as he walks to Arnold's bed)

Phil

So, where'd we leave off, Short Man. Oh, that's right, your mom and dad made it out of the jungle alive.

Arnold

Grandpa, please, can we skip the story tonight?

Phil

(gasps) What? Are you sick or something? (places his hand on Arnold's head) You're sure you don't want a story?

Arnold

Yeah. I'm sure. I really just want to go to sleep.

Phil

(realizes) Oh! I get it! Pretty nervous about the competition, huh? Well, don't worry, Arnold. We'll strike fear and terror in the hearts of your little classmates! (laughs while Arnold shuts his eyes)

Park

(Phil's packard arrives at the parking lot and it is shown that Phil is wearing a tracksuit and a beanie, and Gertie is wearing a cheerleading outfit and has pom-poms)

Gertie

(chants) Arnold, Arnold, he's our man. If he can't do it, no one can.

Phil

(chants) Who's the best, east to west?

Gertie

(gets out while chanting) Who's got zest, beat the rest?

Phil and Gertie

(chanting) Arnold, Arnold, sis-boom-bah! Go, Arnold!

(Suddenly, Big Bob's hummer arrives with Helga and her parents)

Helga

(jokingly) Quite a lineup you got there, Football Head.

Big Bob

(scoffs) We gotta beat these characters? Oh-ho, the trophy's practically ours.

Phil

(shows his rear end and points to it) See this? You're gonna be lookin' at it crossin' the finish line, Pataki. (makes teasing noises)

(All of the parents and their children are gathered in the tournament as Mr. Simmons announces)

Mr. Simmons

Good morning, P.S. 118's fourth-grade class and all your parents! Welcome to our first ever Parents' Tournament Weekend. Eugene?

(Eugene makes his way to the stage wearing a toga and carrying an object that looks like a torch without real fire as a torchbearer. He trips on his way to the stage while he screams and the fake torch lands on Mr. Simmons' hand)

Eugene

(dazed) Ow. I'm okay.

Mr. Simmons

(back to everyone) At the end of this weekend, one lucky family will take home this trophy! (shows it and winks) You're all winners, of course.

Big Bob

(calls by his palm) Whoever wins the trophy is the best parent! (The crowd cheers)

Mr. Simmons

No, no, no. No, no, you don't understand. This isn't that kind of competition. Everybody wins this weekend. The trophy is more of a symbol, really.

Big Bob

Yeesh! What a tea cozy. (turns around to the crowd) I doubt there's a handful of guts in this whole stinking crowd. (to Eugene's father) What are you lookin' at? (to Helga with his readied fist) Ready, Helga?

Helga

(does a fist bump) Let's kick some butt.

Mr. Simmons

Let the games begin!

(At the sound of a whistle, all the teams take off hopping. Big Bob and Helga make it to the finish line and Mr. Simmons puts Helga's family on the top of the scoreboard. Next, Gerald, Rhonda and Phoebe are up for the pie toss. They laugh at the parents' heads being on cutouts, so the three throw the pies at each of their own parents. Next comes the ring toss. Big Bob throws a blue ring at the mark but misses, so Phil grabs a yellow ring, turns around and tosses it right in the target without looking, which makes the crowd cheer, the Patakis facepalm and Arnold claps. Fade in to the crowd standing front and Mr. Simmons is back on the stage)

Mr. Simmons

Okay, at present, Gerald's team is in third place, Phoebe's and Arnold's teams a tied for second, and the team to beat is Helga's.

Arnold

(to Phil) You must be tired, Grandpa. You sure you don't wanna sit this one out?

Phil

Are you kiddin'? I'm just gettin' my second wind.

Mr. Simmons

Okay, we've come to the final competition of the day: The Egg-Toss Relay Race. Teammates, you must keep your tossing eggs back and forth to each other until we're down to two contestants.

Phil

(to Gertie) Boy, that guy likes to hear himself talk, doesn't he? (to Arnold and Gertie at the same time) Okay, come on, you two, we got to strategize.

Big Bob

(having a discussion) Where were ya on the last race, Helga? We shoulda won by a mile! You better not let me down, girl.

Helga

What do you mean "let you down"?

Big Bob

Listen. I have taken time off from my busy schedule running a beeper empire to show up here today, so I deserve to win that best-parent trophy! And losing it is unacceptable.

Helga

(trying to warm up to him) Dad, this just in: We're ahead!

Big Bob

That's exactly the kind of attitude that breeds losers. You got me?

Helga

(facepalms and puts on her attitude face) Loud and clear, Bob. (salutes) You're the man. We gotta win you that trophy.

Big Bob

(impressed) There. That's the kind of attitude I wanna see.

(Fade in to the egg toss. The children toss each of their eggs to their parents back and forth. Some of the eggs land safely on each others' hands but miss each time on some of the parents and the children)

Mr. Simmons

(delighted with his hands clasped) Isn't this fun? Three teams remain: Phoebe, Helga and Arnold!

(Arnold sees the egg being tossed in the air and is about to catch it, and luckily, he uses his hat to catch the egg safely inside it. The crowd cheers for Arnold in victory)

Helga

(quietly, to herself) Brilliant catch, my love. (meanly, to Arnold) Ha! Nice job, Football Head! You couldn't catch a cold! You loser! You couldn't---

Big Bob

(off-screen) Hey, heads up!

Helga

(who was distracted) Huh?

(The egg lands on Helga's face that cracks, which makes the onlookers laugh at her epic fail)

Big Bob

(angrily) For crying out loud, Helga, what's the matter with you?! Keep your eye on the egg, not your opponent! We are not gonna let some orphan boy and his ancestors win this Parents' Weekend thing. You understand?

(Arnold has heard what Big Bob just said about him)

Helga

(distraught) Dad!

Big Bob

What?

Phil

(off-screen) Heads up, Short Man! (the egg lands and cracks on the ground which made Arnold distracted by Big Bob's insult) Attaboy.

(Phoebe catches the egg with her hands perfectly which made the crowd cheer and her parents so proud that Phoebe won)

Mr. Simmons

(proudly) Phoebe!

Phil

Arnold, you look like you've been poleaxed. What the Sam Hill happened out there?

Arnold

(sarcastically) Nothing, Grandpa. I- (sighs and admits) I just got... turned around, that's all. (walks off)

Big Bob

(warningly) That trophy better not slip out of my fingers, Helga. You got that? Victory will be mine. (walks away)

Helga

(talks to herself) Huh. Victory. What price, victory? The trophy is an empty mockery if my dad wins it. (takes her locket out of her shirt) What's the point of winning if it means hurting the one thing I love most in my life; my beloved, parentless Arnold? (hatches an idea) I've got it! (puts the locket back in her shirt) I'll go apologize for my dad and then I'll be conscience-free to beat Arnold tomorrow. (walks) What a great plan. (runs to Arnold outside the entrance) Hey, Football Head, wait up.

Arnold

(annoyed) What, Helga?

Helga

I-I just wanted to say that... I mean, I like an insult as much as the next guy, but back there when my dad said that thing about you being an orphan...

Arnold

(not offended) Yeah. I remember.

Helga

Well, I guess maybe he went too far.

Arnold

I gotta get going.

Helga

(not helping) I mean, you know you don't have parents. You don't need my dad pointing it out to you. It's tough enough being all alone in the world, but---

Arnold

(having heard enough) Thanks, Helga. (walks away)

Helga

(reasonably and sympathetically) So, are we okay?

Arnold

(sarcastically) Sure.

Helga

(meanly) Good, 'cause tomorrow, I'm gonna kick your butt! (walks back to the entrance while dusting off her hands and talking to herself) I think that went very well.

The Sunset Arms' Dining Room

Gertie

(singing with a western accent while wearing a cowboy hat and a necktie, and serves dinner) ♪Oh, give me a home where the buffalo roam♪ ♪Where the deer and the antelope play...♪ (to Arnold) More kidney beans, Tex? (notices his expression) Why, you ain't even touched your first helping.

Arnold

(not feeling it) I guess I ate a lot at the festival...

Phil

Ooh! No harm in that. Festival food is good for you. Especially that pink, fluffy junk on a stick. (to Gertie) I'll take some more of them beans, Pookie. I need plenty of fuel to wipe out the floor with that Pataki character tomorrow.

Arnold

Um... Grandpa, about the tournament... I-I'd rather not go back tomorrow. Think we could do something else?

Gertie

(surprised, along with Gertie) Uh-oh. I sense another one of your oh-so-painfully illuminating boyhood problems. Fess up, Arnold.

Arnold

(explains with sympathy) It's just that Parents' Tournament Weekend is for kids and their parents, and you and Grandma are great and everything, but you're not actually my parents. I-I don't know if we belong there.

Gertie

(feeling bad for him) Oh, Arnold.

Arnold

Anyway, I think I'm too full full for dessert. (gets up and leaves) Good night.

Gertie

I made a raspberry cobbler.

Arnold

No thanks.

Gertie

Night, Arnold.

Phil

Night, Arnold. (turns to his wife) Well, now what, Pookie?

Gertie

You better go talk to him, Phil.

Phil

(unsure) I don't know. Somehow, I don't think another bedtime story about his parents will fix this.

Gertie

He needs you, Phil. (puts her hand on his shoulder) You better go talk to him anyway.

Phil

(sighs and does the right decision) Okay. Wish me luck.

(Fade to black)

Act Two

Arnold's Room

(Arnold is looking at the photo of his parents again in his hands. Another knock happens at the door as Arnold puts the picture back in the drawer and the person coming in is Phil)

Phil

You okay, Short Man? (pulls the light switch on)

Arnold

Come in, Grandpa.

Phil

I take it you don't wanna hear the story about how your parents saved the entire country of Sri Lanka from fire ants, do you? No. (comes to Arnold's bed) How about the time when they were acrobats in the peeking midget circus and the big top burned down and...? (looks at Arnold's face) You don't wanna. I guess I'm plumb out of good stories.

Arnold

Tell me the real story this time, Grandpa. I wanna know what really happened to my parents.

Phil

Oh, dear. Mmm. Are you sure, Arnold?

Arnold

Yes... I'm sure.

Phil

All right, then. Here goes. Your father really was a scientist, you know, and he was a doctor, too.

Flashback

(The scene flashes to a place called San Lorenzo)

Phil

(narrating) One day, he was hiking with his expedition, looking for a rare, tropical plant that could cure a terrible disease. But then...

Arnold's Room

(Back to the present)

Phil

...Dr. Iron Claw, with his evil plot to overtake the entire world...

Arnold

(exasperated) Grandpa.

Phil

(realizes) Yeah, I told you. T-t-that's right. You wanted the truth. Oh. Well, anyway...

Flashback

(Back to the story)

Phil

(narrating) ...your father was on an expedition and...

Miles

(points at a cloud) Look at that cloud. It's just like a sailboat, a schooner.

Eduardo

50 miles into the jungle and he's looking at schooners in the clouds. My friend, you are a true romantic.

Miles

(stops at his feet) Romantic?

Eduardo

The ladies must be crazy for you.

Miles

Are you kidding? I'll never find a girl who'll put up with me wandering like this all over the planet.

Stella

(heard off-screen) Oh, look at that cloud. (Miles walks to a ledge) Isn't it beautiful? It's like a sailboat, a clipper.

Miles

(talks from above) It's more of a schooner, really.

(Stella turns her head to see Miles grinning at her. Suddenly, his hiking stick makes him slip on some pebbles and fall off the ledge where he stops. Stella approaches him)

Stella

Yeah, if you couldn't tell a schooner from a clipper ship. (helps him up)

Miles

(looks into her eyes and is lovestruck) Hello.

Stella

(looks at her hand on his and looks at his face) Hello.

Eduardo

(watches from above and walks off) Ay-ay-ay.

(Miles and Stella walk off to a temple)

Phil

(narrating) They were so much alike, your mom and dad. I never saw anything like it.

(After a montage of walking around a temple, seeing a waterfall, and a view of the whole jungle from above, Miles and Stella wave goodbye to each other, but Miles' hiking stick slips on pebbles that makes him almost slip off the ledge, which also makes Stella giggle and Miles grin. Stella waves at Miles. The scene changes to Miles' group going around a mountain. All of sudden, some big rocks are falling off which Miles notices a group member and his mule are stuck, and the bigger rocks are about to fall on Eduardo. So the mule kicks off the rocks and Miles runs up to his friend)

Miles

EDUARDO!!! (pushes him out of the way)

(The next thing we know, Miles is on a sleeping pad and has few bruises on his face and body, and a sling on his arm)

Stella

(to Miles) You can relax, the cavalry's here. (uses a wet cloth on his face)

Miles

You always hang around on mountain sides?

Stella

You sure you landed on your shoulder?

Miles

As opposed to my heart?

(Stella smiles at him and Eduardo walks off with a grunt and a shrug after being saved by his own best friend)

Phil

(narrating) They all helped your dad and his friend get down to a safe place before dark.

(Miles and Stella have a good talk by the tent and the campfire while Eduardo plays a guitar by a temple. He watches them talk and laugh. Miles puts his hand on Stella's, which makes the both of them smile and kiss each other in the lips)

Phil

(narrating) They were meant for each other, Short Man.

Arnold's Room

(Fade back to the present)

Phil

They traveled around the world together.

Arnold

So all that stuff about flying planes and exploring jungles was true?

Phil

Yep.

Arnold

(asking so certainly) You didn't make it up?

Phil

Well, I may have exaggerated some parts. That stuff about the midget circus I mostly made up. I was drawing on my own experiences. You wanted a lot of bedtime stories, Arnold, and I needed a lot of material.

Arnold

I guess I understand.

Phil

But they were really good people, and they sure loved each other. That's why they decided to get married and have you.

Arnold

So what happened to them? Where are they now, Grandpa?

Phil

Hmm... You don't remember, do you? You were just a little feller.

Flashback

(Flashback to the day with Arnold as a baby learning to walk as he toddles to his father with a camera in his hands)

Stella

(lets go of his hands to let him walk) Good boy, Arnold. You can make it.

Miles

(takes a picture) That's my boy. (picks him up) You did it!

Phil

(narrating) One day, your dad's old friend Eduardo came to see them. Seems there was a disease wiping out whole villages in the remotest parts of his country; villages that hadn't seen an outsider since your parents used to fly in with medicine.

Miles

(sighs) Sorry, Eduardo. We have a baby boy now. That part of our lives is over. We can't go with you, my friend.

(Baby Arnold walks up and grabs the map out of Eduardo's hands)

Eduardo

But you two were my last hope. These mountain people may die out forever. Please, my old friend, I'm begging you. (Stella and Miles look at each other, then look down at Arnold, who almost made a rip on the map and giggles) For the sake of the children. One last mission, please.

(The scene changes. It was raining that night and a taxi is parked right outside the boarding house)

Stella

(To baby Arnold) We won't be gone long. I promise. (Miles and Stella are wearing trench coats and fedoras. Stella gives Arnold a toy plane) You be a good boy for Grandpa and Grandma, okay?

Miles

We'll be back next week, little buddy. Then I'll take to the park.

Stella

(hugs him) Mommy loves you so much.

(Phil and Gertie look worried)

Miles

(hugs him also) Daddy loves you, Arnold.

(Miles hands Baby Arnold to his own parents as he and his wife go to the front door)

Baby Arnold

(waves timidly) Bye, Mommy. Bye, Daddy.

(He continues to wave as they leave the boarding house and look at him one last time)

(The scene changes to a country)

Phil

(narrating) And so they loaded up their plane and took off for one last time.

(Eduardo hands Miles a briefcase, hugs Stella and shakes Miles' hand, and then they take off into the sky as Eduardo and others wave to them. While on the biplane, Stella pulls out the picture of the day Arnold started walking on his own. She and Miles smile at each other as they fly off into the clouds)

Arnold's Bedroom

(End flashback)

Arnold

What happened to them, Grandpa?

Phil

(solemnly) They never came back. Never heard from them again.

Arnold

What about their plane?

Phil

It was never found.

Arnold

So they could just be lost. And maybe someday, they might come back.

Phil

I suppose that's possible, Arnold. It's not even likely, but it is possible.

Arnold

(lays down) Grandpa, thanks for telling me the truth.

Phil

You're growing up, aren't you, Short Man? (leaves the room and turns off the lights while Arnold goes to sleep)

Arnold's Dream

(In Arnold's dream, we hear the sound of a biplane humming and we see it flying in the clouds of the sky. The plane happens to be the same one Arnold's parents were on, and now we see Baby Arnold flying in the sky trying to catch up to the plane)

Baby Arnold

(echoing) Mommy! Daddy!

(Now we see Baby Arnold crawling in the hallways of the Boarding House)

Baby Arnold

Mommy! Daddy! Mommy! Daddy!

(Suddenly, one of the doors opens up with a light and it appears to be Grandpa Phil wearing a blue robe)

Phil

Hey, whatcha doing out of bed, Short Man?

Baby Arnold

I'm s-- I am scared. I can't find my mommy and daddy.

Phil

(picks him up) Oh, now don't cry, you poor little fella. Hey, how about I tell you a warm, mythical bedtime story tonight? (takes him upstairs to the room while he talks) Yeah, that's the ticket. Did I ever tell you about the time your mom and dad worked for a midget circus in Peking? (puts him in his crib and tucks him in)

Baby Arnold

No. Tell me the story.

Phil

Oh-ho, why, they're natural-born acrobats, your mom and dad. They can walk a high wire just like strolling down the sidewalk.

(As Phil talks, Baby Arnold looks at the crib mobile that he fantasizes his parents as acrobats that were told by his grandpa, so Miles is tightrope walking while Stella is on his back juggling discs)

Phil

Comes from years of crossing rope bridges in Mozambique. That's a country in Africa, you know.

(It shows Baby Arnold himself in a red leotard while carefully crossing on the wire but loses his balance while his parents look back at him in shock. He falls off the rope and his parents keep watching when his mother drops and lets go of the discs as he is about to fall to the ground. All of a sudden, the fantasy was over as Baby Arnold was going to fall to the end of the staircases until his grandma catches him in the air with her hands)

Gertie

(with a red cowboy hat on) Say, Tex, what's a cowpoke like you doing without his horse? (puts the hat on Arnold) Climb on back Ol' Pete. (he does so) Say "giddyup".

Baby Arnold

(does so) Giddyup. (Gertie gives him a horse-like ride)

(The scene cuts to a horse field where Arnold is wearing a cowboy attire and riding on a real horse that bounces him up and down like an actual bull. Then it shows the same nine-year-old Arnold inside a plane wearing a flight suit and goggles)

Phil

(in his imagination) Attaboy, Arnold! That's the right stuff! He he he!

(It is shown that his grandparents are in another plane with Phil wearing headphones and Gertie wearing goggles and piloting the plane)

Phil

(heard off-screen) Off we go into the wild blue yonder!

(Both planes fly into the clouds)

Arnold's Room

(The next morning, Arnold wakes up from his whole dream)

The Sunset Arms Kitchen

(It is breakfast time. Gertie is stirring food while in her same karate gi and Phil is having oatmeal while chewing loudly and grunting)

Phil

(examines the spoon) This oatmeal is awfully runny, Pookie.

Gertie

That's because it's miso soup. You need warrior strength on the field of battle today, Anjin-san.

Phil

(groans) Pookie, I think we better forget about the Parents' Tournament. I talked to Arnold last night and---

Arnold

(walks in the kitchen) Morning, Grandpa. Morning, Grandma.

Phil

Oh-ooh, hi, Arnold. I didn't hear you coming. Sleep well?

Arnold

Sort of. I had interesting dreams.

Phil

You're still thinking of that story I told you about your parents?

Arnold

Yeah, I am.

Phil

(wipes his mouth with a napkin) Well then, uh, got any ideas what you'd like to do today? Go fishing maybe or down to the aquarium?

Arnold

Ehh, I was thinking maybe we can go back to the Parents' Tournament.

(Gertie gives Phil a brighten smile at the thought)

Phil

Really? But I thought you said it was just for kids with actual parents.

Arnold

Yeah. But for me, that means you and Grandma.

(Phil brightens up a smile)

Gertie

Then it's time to man the battle stations! (stands on top of the table) We'll fight them in the trenches! We'll fight 'em on the beaches. We'll give 'em heck, Harry!

(The table breaks and Gertie lands on Phil's laps)

Phil

That's right, we're a team! (the scene cuts outside the boarding house as Phil is heard inside) Nothing can stop us!

Park

Big Bob

(looks at the trophy) I'm gonna win that trophy or my name's not Big Bob Pataki, and nothing's gonna stop us.

(Everyone is gathered in the tournament as Mr. Simmons once again announces)

Mr. Simmons

Welcome back, parents, kids, to our final day of Parents' Tournament Weekend. (the crowd cheers)

(The wheelbarrow race comes first, with all the kids holding a wheel and axel in their hands as their parents hold them up by their legs behind them. Martin, Gerald's father, goes faster but trips on a hole in the grass, making him lose his glasses and turn around the make everyone slip except for Phoebe and Reba who make it to the finish line. Next comes the relay race, in which one parent would carry their kid on their shoulders and hand them off to their partner like a baton)

Phil

(waiting) Steady as she goes. You can do it, Pookie.

Big Bob

(elbows Phil out of the way) Put some hustle in it, Miriam, come on!

Miriam

(sweats while picking up the paace) I'm doing the best I can, B.

Big Bob

Don't let that old bag and the orphan kid beat you. (Miriam stops at him by making fall back, but he gets back up on his feet) It's Best-Parent Day, not Screw-Everything-Up Day, Miriam.

Miriam

I beg your pardon!

Big Bob

(frustrated) Just get the kid on my back. (grabs Helga and runs but is stopped by Mr. Simmons who blew the whistle)

Mr. Simmons

I'm sorry, Mr. Pataki, but dropping your daughter disqualifies you in this competition.

Big Bob

What are you telling me for? Miriam's the one who dropped her.

Mr. Simmons

(becoming scared) I'm-I'm sorry, Mr. Pataki, but, uh, those are the rules and, um, I'm gonna leave now.

Helga

Dad, just forget about it, okay?

Big Bob

(walks off with Helga still on his back) Don't tell me to forget about it, little lady.

(Fade in to the next part of the tournament)

Mr. Simmons

(announces on a megaphone) And for the ultimate challenge, we have the triathlon where the contestants must pass their batons to their teammates in a series of grueling events ending in the balance beam gelatin joust. (While the crowd cheers and whistles, Phil glances at Gertie who shrugs at that name) I made that up. First team's up are Helga's and---

Big Bob

(gestures to and refers to Phil) The oldest living American!

Phil

Ha! A lot you know. I'm the second oldest! (thumbs over his shoulder at Gertie) She's the oldest.

Mr. Simmons

On your marks, get set, go!

(Neck in neck, Arnold and Helga pedal their cycles towards Miriam and Gertie, they skid to to a halt as Helga's mother and Arnold's grandmother grab their batons and begin their ascent)

Stinky

(heard off-screen) Go, Grandma, go, go!

(Gertie and Miriam make it to the stop, but Gertie slips as the crowd, including Gerald and Arnold, look on with surprised gasps. All of a sudden, Gertie gets right back up as she and Miriam grab the zip lines and slide across the wire towards their husbands awaiting them them atop the balance beam. Luckily, Big Bob and Phil get their batons)

Phil

(taunts) This gelatin mold's got your name on it, Pataki.

Big Bob

Give me your best shot, gramps. I'll let you have one for free.

Phil

I don't need your charity.

(Then they both start swinging at and hitting with their batons and each of them evades, ducks and swings)

Phil

Float like a butterfly. (hits Big Bob with a strike) Sting like a bee, I always say.

Big Bog

(having enough of Phil) Okay. No more mister nice guy! (starts hitting Phil but gets blocked by every move)

Phil

Careful, I only have one hip and it's in my other pants.

(Big Bob finally makes his move by hitting him in the face and making him fall off the balance beam, but luckily, he is hanging on to his life with his legs still on the beam while upside down)

Big Bob

(making victory) He's down. It's all over, people.

Mr. Simmons

Wait! Arnold's grandpa hasn't fallen off. He's still in the game, unless his body touches the gelatin dessert.

Helga

(hatches an idea) Wait! I'll check, Mr. Simmons. (walks over to Phil and whispers to him) Go for my dad's ankles. They're already loaded down to the max. (walks back to Mr. Simmons in a relieved tone) Whaddaya know, he's still in the clear.

Phil

(pushes himself back up and jumps back on the beam) Whoopsie-daisy! (the crowd cheers)

Big Bob

(to the recovered Phil) Back for more, are ya? Go ahead. Make my day.

(They start swinging and hitting again and Phil, who took Helga's advice, hits one of Big Bob's ankles, making him hurt)

Phil

(pretends he hears something) Hold it! Did I hear a beeper go off?

Big Bob

(looks at his right pocket) Huh?

(Phil hits his other ankle making Big Bob go splat on the gelatin. He jumps off the balance beam and lands on the ground with the crowd applauding and cheering. Gertie and Arnold run up to Phil as Arnold hugs and Gertie kisses him with victory)

Mr. Simmons

Now I've totaled the up scores from both days. The winners with the highest combined score are Phoebe, Reba and Kyo Heyerdahl.

(Phoebe and her father bow with their hands together to each other, and Reba hugs Phoebe from behind)

Helga

(clapping her hands) Hey, Phoebe! (gives her a thumbs up and Phoebe does the same for Helga)

Big Bob

(struggling to get out of the gelatin) Helga! Whoa! A little help here!

Arnold's Room/Dream

(That night, Arnold is sleeping peacefully in bed. He wakes up as the sky turns morning, goes up on the roof and sees a biplane that looks just like his parents' biplane. Of course, his parents are not actually there in this dream, but Arnold gets in the pilot seat, puts on goggles, a scarf, and uses the plane to fly into the clouds as the episode ends)