What the...
Shut up!
Where's your money?
Let go of me, ow.
Monkeyman!
(YELPING)
MONKEYMAN: Monkeyman!
HELGA: (LAUGHING BOISTEROUSLY)
Yeah, right, Arnold.
Monkeyman saved you.
And then what?
He gave you his business card?
No. He went after
the two guys who were
trying to mug me.
Did you get
a good look at him?
Not really.
It was pretty dark.
Does he really wear
monkey slippers?
You guys, you guys,
slow down! We're getting
ahead of ourselves here.
Since this is the first
authentic Monkeyman
sighting this year,
and especially since
it was our own Arnold
who witnessed it,
I think Gerald
should tell the legend
for any of us who may not
have heard it in a while.
Gerald?
Thank you, Sid.
Friends, how many times
have we awakened
to the frightful cry,
"Monkeyman"?
How many times
have we seen him
in the corner of our eye
never stopping,
always speeding by,
a flash of his cape down
the alleys and streets,
scampering up fire escapes,
like a freaked out chimpanzee?
Monkeyman.
Some say he's
a force for good.
A twisted urban Robin Hood,
defending the weak
and downtrodden.
Some say he's a force for bad,
a tricking, conniving cat.
Furthermore,
just plain rotten.
Still others say,
he's some guy in pajamas,
living on stolen bananas.
Who knows? No one's
ever talked to him.
But if you find yourself
in the heart of downtown,
keep looking around,
'cause you just
might run into him.
Monkeyman. The end.
Oh, that was
beautiful, Gerald.
I don't think
he's evil or crazy, Gerald.
I think he knows
what he's doing.
(SCOFFS) Yeah. Like you
talked to him, Arnold.
No, I didn't.
But I bet if I did,
he'd turn out to be
a normal guy.
Just like the rest of us.
Normal? Arnold,
he runs around downtown
in his pajamas,
yelling "Monkeyman".
He's a freak of nature.
Actually, football-head,
you two would
probably get along.
Maybe we would.
I'm gonna try and find him.
(CHUCKLES SARCASTICALLY) Yeah,
and pigs are gonna fly
out of a monkey's butt.
I'm gonna find him, Helga,
and thank him for what he did.
GERALD: I mean,
how are we ever
gonna find him?
He's Monkeyman, man.
He's mythological.
Monkeyman?
I know where to find him.
You do?
Yeah, he comes down
to the docks on Tuesdays
when they unload
the banana boats.
It's next
to the meat-packing plant.
You saw Monkeyman then?
Did you get
a good look at him?
Nah, no one ever
gets a good look.
He only comes at night
just long enough to grab
some bananas off a boat.
Then he goes swinging out
of there on a rope, yelling,
(YELLING) "Monkeyman!"
in that creepy way he does.
He's a mystery wrapped
in an enigma, Arnold.
But try down
at the docks on Tuesday.
My butt's falling asleep.
Mine too. But let's wait
just a little while longer.
I'm sure we'll see him.
(SCOFFS) Look, Arnold,
we've been sitting here
for three hours,
and I haven't seen
so much as a rat.
You can stay here
if you want,
but I'm going home.
Yeah, I'm staying.
See you, Gerald.
MONKEYMAN:
(YELLING) Monkeyman!
Monkeyman.
(BOTH GASPING AND SCREAMING)
I'm Arnold.
I'm Monkeyman.
I'm a superhero.
I fight crime. Monkeyman.
I... I wanted to thank you
for saving me the other night.
All in the line
of duty. Monkeyman.
So, you wanna come over
to my house or something?
Your house?
Yeah, for dinner.
Gee, dinner at your,
Monkeyman, house,
I don't know.
I live outside
of society, Arnold.
I can't be swayed
by fancy dinners
and the, Monkeyman,
finer things in life.
I'd get distracted.
I wouldn't
be able to fight crime.
Oh, come on, Monkeyman.
It's just one dinner.
And then you can go
right back to fighting crime.
What do you say?
GRANDPA: So,
Mr. Monkeyman,
Arnold says you live in,
kind of a clubhouse
made out of cardboard boxes.
No, that's just my lair,
my, Monkeyman, batcave.
A post-industrial
bachelor pad, if you will.
I live with my aunt
and uncle. Monkeyman.
I'll tell you one thing.
He sure smells like a monkey.
Yes! I can barely stand it.
Um, Arnold, I have
some bananas
in my Monkey-mobile.
Maybe I should just
go out there and...
It's just spaghetti
and meatballs, Monkeyman.
It's great. Try it,
like this. See?
Wow. Arnold, it is.
It's great.
So, Monkeyman, I...
I see you're kind
of confused around silverware.
Well, superheroes don't
normally use silverware.
Yeah, yeah. And about
the superhero thing, um,
what's the deal
with the costume
and the running around
at night yelling "Monkeyman"
and waking us
working people up?
It's my Monkeyman job,
I Monkeyman!
Yeah, that part I got.
I mean, why are you Monkeyman?
Well, you see,
I grew up in a zoo.
Or next to one.
I spent all my time there.
I was obsessed
with the monkeys
on Monkey Island.
I wanted to be just like them.
Everyone said I was weird.
They made fun of me
and my love for monkeys.
They even made fun
of my stuffed,
Monkeyman, monkey.
They teased me,
threw things at me,
and finally they stole
my stuffed monkey,
and beat me up and chased me
out of the zoo. Monkeyman!
So I decided
to change my identity
and become a force for good
and against evil
to defend the weak
and downtrodden
from bullies everywhere.
Plus I had to get
my monkey back.
Monkeyman!
I'll tell you one thing,
he's not staying
in my room tonight.
Yes. He's very creepy
and he smells.
I got an idea, Monkeyman.
After dinner, why don't
we go down to Slausen's
and get a banana split?
A banana split?
What is that?
Uh, Slausen's?
I'm not... I'm not clear.
KID: What?
Williker.
Arnold's just sitting there
like it's no big deal
having a banana split
with the Monkeyman.
(SIGHS) That boy leads
a charmed life.
Wow. Arnold,
Monkeyman, wow.
This Banana split has gotta
be the greatest invention
ever thought of by mankind.
And to think
you non-superheroes can
come here
and Monkeyman, eat them
whenever you want.
I can't believe I've been
missing out on this
for all these years.
Well, thanks again
for saving me, Monkeyman.
I guess you ought
to be getting back
to fighting crime now, huh?
(INCREDULOUSLY)
Are you kidding?
You've... You've opened
the door to a whole new world
of fantastic stuff, Arnold.
I'm just getting,
Monkeyman, started.
Come on, Arnold. Monkeyman!
This, Monkeyman,
clarifying shampoo is crazy.
My... My hair is
bouncing and... And behaving.
Monkeyman.
Uh, uh, what do you think?
Well, I for one,
think it's Mo...
(CLEARS THROAT)
Marvelously minimalistic
and jejune.
Ah, ah, brilliant. Jejune.
Yes. Have you met the mayor?
(CHUCKLES POMPOUSLY)
Hi Monkeyman.
Can I talk to you?
Oh, I'm afraid
I can't, Arnold.
The mayor
and I are about to enjoy
a performance of La Boheme.
You're sure spending
a lot of time going
to parties and stuff.
What's your point?
Well...
It must cut into
your job, you know,
protecting the weak
and downtrodden.
(CHUCKLES) Oh, right.
We have a whole police force
to take care of the weak
and the downtrodden, Arnold.
Well, it's been nice
chatting with you, Arnold.
We really should try to
get together sometime.
Mon... (CLEARS THROAT)
(CHUCKLES) Ciao.
SID: Hey, what...
Where's your money?
I don't have any. Ow!
What do you got then, punk?
Monkeyman, help!
Monkeyman! (SOBBING)
(SCREAMING)
Howdy, Arnold.
Is Monkeyman coming?
He's with the mayor
watching La Boheme.
That's somethin'
even I couldn't
have predicted that.
I'm worried about him, Gerald.
What for? He's having fun.
But he's just not
the same Monkeyman anymore.
He doesn't even care
about the helpless
and the downtrodden.
Arnold, we have
a police force
to take care of that.
What difference does it make
if Monkeyman's
having a good time?
(CRYING)
KID: Hey, Sid. Are you okay?
They jumped me. Two big guys.
I didn't have
enough money
so they took 'em!
What, Sid? Took what?
Arnold, they took
my Beatle boots. (CRYING)
I want my boots!
Bye bye, mayor.
Thanks for the chat.
I'll be seeing you soon.
Sid, what's wrong?
What happened?
What happened?
I got mugged!
Mugged?
Yeah, you know, mugged.
Right in front
of the stinking opera house!
Opera house?
Yeah. I looked around
and thought, "Hey,
where's Monkeyman?
"He should be
saving me about now."
But no. You were too busy
going to the opera
with the mayor!
You are not
a superhero at all!
You're just some kind
of selfish, caviar-eating,
opera-going, tuxedo boy!
Yeah, that's what you are.
(WHIMPERING) Yeah!
Oh, Monkeyman?
It's me, Arnold.
Oh, (STUTTERING) hi.
Come in, Arnold.
What's going on?
Hmm, I'm packing
it in, Arnold.
I'm Mo... Quitting
the superhero business.
But you can't quit.
You're Monkeyman.
Hmm, yeah. I used
to be Monkeyman, Arnold.
Sworn to protect
the weak and the downtrodden
until I got
all stuck up and snooty
and starter hanging out
at the opera
with Mo... Celebrities.
And then those punks stole
Sid's Beatle boots
and I didn't lift
a finger to stop 'em
'cause I'd grown soft
and only cared
about the Mo... Finer things.
Wait. So you made one mistake,
and you went to the opera
instead of fighting crime.
That doesn't mean you should
stop being a superhero.
You were happy
being Monkeyman.
You still can do it.
Sure, Sid needed you.
But lots
of kids still need you.
Don't give up now.
We need you, Monkeyman.
"Dear Arnold,
thanks for everything."
"Please give these to Sid."
MONKEYMAN: Monkeyman!