One for you.
One for you.
One for you.
Oh. Uh, hello, Helga.
Why don't you take a picture?
It'll last longer, dweeb.
(LAUGHS SARCASTICALLY) Yeah.
I wonder why Helga is not invited to Rhonda's party.
Well, it is a girl party.
Helga is a girl.
She is?
Oh, yeah. I always forget.
So, Phoebe, what do you want to do Saturday night?
Goof on the geeks at the video arcade?
I was thinking of going to Rhonda's party.
They're gonna do makeovers and stuff.
Rhonda's party?
You're not seriously going to that, are you?
Well, no. I mean...
Well, uh, I know you didn't get an invitation, and...
I didn't want an invitation.
Why would I want to go to a stupid girly party?
Yeah, I figured. But, I was just thinking,
I don't know, it might be interesting.
(SCOFFING) Interesting? Yeah, right!
-But, Helga... -No!
Go! Go to Rhonda's party, and have your little makeovers.
It's no snot out of my nose.
I've got a million better things to do on a Saturday night
than be stuck in a room with a bunch of sissy girls!
Fine.
(PANTING) I got it. I got it!
(SIGHING GRIMLY) I don't got it.
Okay, 100 points for me.
Smack it again!
Wait a minute.
You can't play.
This game is boys only.
Says who, pink boy?
Says, uh...
Sid. Yeah, tell her, Sid.
Please, don't hurt me.
Look, Helga,
we're having a boys only game since all the girls are having
a girls only slumber party.
Hey, wait a minute,
how come you're not at the slumber party?
Oh, yeah, I forgot.
You weren't invited 'cause you're not girl enough.
Shut up! That's not true.
I was invited, I just didn't want to go.
(TAUNTING) Helga's not a girl.
Helga's not a girl.
Helga's not a girl.
Helga's not a girl.
Helga's not a girl.
Helga's not a girl.
That's it, Harold, you're dead.
(SCREAMING)
-Come back here, you big... -HAROLD: (SCREAMING)
You know, Gerald, I almost feel sorry for her.
The key word there is "Almost."
"Not girl enough."
(SPITEFULLY) What a bunch of crap!
I am too a girl.
I'm pretty. I'm feminine!
I'm delicate.
MAN: Oh, excuse me, young man.
I'm a girl!
GIRLS: (GIGGLING)
(LAUGHING)
And then, Helga goes,
"I ought to deck you, fat boy!"
ALL: (LAUGHING)
I don't sound like that.
I ought to deck them all! Oh.
Out of my way, geek face.
Et tu, Phoebe?
I'll show them feminine.
I'll show them all.
They'll be sorry they ever messed with Helga G. Pataki.
Hello, Helga, how are you?
Oh, fine. Fine, Mrs. Johanssen.
Just, picking up my usual magazines.
Nothing out of the ordinary here.
(BUZZING)
Yo, Yolanda!
How much for this copy of Preteen Miss?
(SHOUTING) Preteen Miss?
Yeah, Preteen Miss.
You know, the one with the feature on
how to make ugly girls pretty.
(LAUGHING WITH EMBARRASSMENT)
How did that get in there?
Oh, well, I might as well take it.
I can probably use it to, uh...
To line my bird cage with.
Yeah, that's it. (LAUGHING EMBARRASSEDLY)
Hmm.
Am I a fire-engine red, or a purly pink?
(DOORKNOB RATTLING)
MIRIAM: What's going on in there?
Are you all right?
I'm fine, Mother!
Can't I have few moments of peace in the bathroom?
Criminy!
Ow! Ow! Ow!
MIRIAM: Your father needs to use the bathroom, now!
HELGA: Okay! Okay!
There! Satisfied?
(GASPING) Oh, my!
HELGA: Hm, maybe I should have gone a bit lighter on the eye shadow.
Hey, you guys, I just saw Helga.
She's on her way to Rhonda's party,
and she's all dolled up
(SOFTLY) like a girl!
Helga? Like a girl?
This I gotta see.
I say, all of us guys go over there right now,
and crash their party.
ALL: Yeah, let's go!
-(INDISTINCT CHATTER) -(DOORBELL RINGING)
Helga?
Rhonda, darling, great to see ya.
Sorry I'm late.
-What are we doing, ladies? -(GLASS BREAKING)
Polishing our nails?
Helga, you look...
-Great! -Oh, this old thing?
Just something I had lying around the house.
It's all the rage this season, though.
(GIGGLING)
I brought some of my old makeup,
in case you wanted any tips.
Nadine, dear, that pink nail polish
makes your fingers look awfully stubby,
don't you think?
I'd say you're really more of a coral.
Uh, Helga,
can I talk to you for a minute?
Not now, dear.
Oh, yes, Nadine, you're definitely a coral.
Okay, is everybody ready for facials? Helga?
Oh, Rhonda, you are so...
Chante.
I can feel my pores opening already.
Helga, can I have a word with you?
Well...
I'll be right back, ladies.
I have to share a private moment
with one of my plainer acquaintances.
Helga, what are you doing?
Getting a facial.
You never use to like this girly stuff.
That's the old Helga.
The new Helga can be just as beautiful as the next girl.
Yeah, well, I like the old Helga better.
At least, she was honest.
She'd never pretend to like all this stuff just to fit in with the crowd.
If you ask me,
you're just jealous because I'm more feminine and womanly.
(SLURPING AND GULPING)
(BURPING)
And now, if you'll excuse me,
this gorgeous kisser has got a date
with a bowl of guacamole.
(FAINT LAUGH)
(SIGHING)
(GASPING)
Okay, Helga, you're next.
Gee, I am?
Wow.
Okay, give me the works.
Stop!
-What's wrong? -I'll tell you what's wrong.
This is stupid! That's what is wrong.
But, Helga,
this mask will help reduce wrinkles and signs of aging.
We don't have wrinkles!
We don't have signs of aging.
We're nine years old!
Oh, this is gonna be great.
When they see all of us in the window,
they're gonna scream bloody m*rder.
You know, Helga, maybe we were wrong about you.
Maybe you're not like the rest of us.
You're right, Rhonda.
I'm not like the rest of you.
I'm not wearing a mask!
ALL: (GASPING)
HELGA: I mean, look at us. Tin foil in our hair,
glop on our faces,
high heeled shoes?
Why are we wearing these?
-(GLASS BREAKING) -We're already taller than the boys.
But, Helga, this is what girls do.
I mean, what could be more fun than this?
Yeah, what, Helga?
-ALL: Yeah. -(OBJECTS CLATTERING)
Did you hear something?
(SCREAMING)
(SCREAMING)
The horror. The horror!
Come back here, you chicken...
(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)
Should we go back and help him?
(PANTING)
Are you kidding? It's every man for himself.
(WHIMPERING)
Well, well, well. Lookie what we got here.
Help!
RHONDA: What do you think?
Burnt copper or coral pink?
Help! Let me go!
Let me go!
Now, this is what I call a good party.
You said it, Helga.