GERALD:
And though some say
the guard at the zoo
just happens
to look like a gorilla,
others swear,
that on moonless nights
they have actually seen
the hairy man
out of his uniform,
hopping around
in gorilla cages.
The end.
(APPLAUDING)
Well, that was
sort of scary,
but I've got me a fable
that'll knock your socks off.
Let's hear it, Slim.
This here yarn
of a horror
is about the ever
frightening...
(LOUD MUNCHING)
...monkey-cat!
In the dingy laboratory
of the despicable
Dr. Mischief,
there lived an old, furry cat.
One day, the cat snuck into
the cage of a frisky monkey
and got himself caught.
Dr. Mischief watched
as the monkey
and the cat began to fight.
They became
entangled together,
and that's when
the evil doctor
got his big idea.
He cut off the monkey's head
and sewed it on the cat's body
and invented
monkey-cat!
Monkey-cat?
Monkey-cat!
What's so scary
about that?
It's a banana-eating,
milk-drinking horror monster!
Monkey-cat!
HAROLD: That's not scary,
that's stupid.
I came to this sleepover
to be scared, and I'm not.
I'm just hungry!
(YAWNS)
Well, we ate all the pizza,
I guess the only thing left
to do is just go to sleep.
Uh, Sid, it's 6:30.
Oh, yeah, right.
(CHUCKLES)
I have a scary story.
One that'll scare
your pants off.
STINKY: I'm not wearing
the pants.
I'm serious.
Alrighty then,
let's hear it.
This is the tale
of the headless cat.
One hundred years ago,
on a misty,
foggy Autumn night,
just like tonight,
a lonely cabby
was driving his carriage.
WOMAN: Oh, cabbie.
ARNOLD: Suddenly,
a mysterious lady
hailed the cab.
She said she had lost
her dog in the park.
I've been quite upset
and I wanted to clear my head.
You see, I lost my Scottie dog
a few weeks ago and I'm still
hoping to find him.
Might we ride around the park?
Yes, ma'am.
ARNOLD: It was cold out,
and the lady politely offered
a red scarf to the cabbie.
It's so cold out.
Won't you wear this scarf?
Uh, thank you, ma'am.
It is cold out.
ARNOLD: They had no sooner
reached the woods
when the lady
sat up and said...
(DOG BARKING)
What's that sound?
ARNOLD: The cabbie
looked around,
but saw only the dark trees
in the fog.
That sounds
like my dog.
My poor
little baby.
Follow him.
Hurry. Hurry.
(HORSE WHINNIES)
The cabbie didn't want
to go too fast
because it was getting
darker and foggier the farther
they went into the park.
But the sounds of the dogs
barking grew louder.
The lady told the cabbie
to drive faster.
Faster, please,
I implore you.
We're coming, sweetie.
We're coming to save you!
ARNOLD: It was getting darker,
and colder,
and foggier by the minute.
The wheels of the carriage
made a crazy echoey sound
as they rattled
among the cobblestones,
but all the time
the dog kept barking,
and the lady kept yelling...
Faster, do you hear?
Faster, I say!
We must save my doggy!
(BARKING)
WOMAN: I see him!
ARNOLD: "He's just
ahead of us,"
the lady screamed.
The dogs barking
echoed like crazy,
and the horses hooves
were clattering
on the cobblestones.
The cabbie
hung on to the reins
as the horse
pulled the carriage
as fast as he could go.
And now, he could see
the gaslights glowing
at the end of the tunnel.
Suddenly, the lady stood up
and screamed...
Watch out!
It was a man with
a huge golden hook for an arm!
Hey.
(BOTH SCREAMING)
And they
barely missed him.
They swerved out
of the end of the tunnel,
and off the main road
and down a steep hill.
The cabbie hung on
to the reins and tried
to pull up his horse.
That's him!
My doggie's down the hill.
Go down there!
Hurry! Hurry!
ARNOLD: But the lady
beat him on the shoulder
and yelled...
Faster! Faster!
My doggy!
My little Scottie doggy!
ARNOLD:
No one saw the low branch
hanging over the path
until the cabbie's red scarf
twisted around
and caught on to it.
And then, of course,
it was too late.
The horse kept
pulling the carriage,
only now the reins
were held by...
(NEIGHING)
...the Headless Cabbie!
(WHINNIES)
(CACKLES)
People say that
to this very day
when the fog comes down
on quiet Autumn nights,
you can still hear the barking
of the demon Scottie dog.
You might also hear
the rattling
of the carriage wheels
on the cobblestones.
And then it won't be long
till you hear the laughter
of the horrible ghost lady.
And the next thing you'll see
coming at you
out of the fog
will be the haunted carriage,
driven by
(VOICE ECHOING)
the Headless Cabbie!
(BOTH GASPING)
A righteously told
urban legend,
my brother.
(INAUDIBLE)
(WHIMPERING)
(TEETH CHATTERING)
Harold? Are you okay?
Easy squeezy lemon peasy.
STINKY: Oh, come on, Harold!
It's only a crazy,
made-up ghost story.
Right, Arnold?
Right.
Yeah.
It's not like it actually
happened or anything.
Well, a yarn like that
sure gives me
an appetite.
Let's go out
and get some
ice cream, fellas.
What do you say?
HAROLD: No, no.
We can't leave.
We can't go anywhere.
Come on, Harold.
You'll be fine.
We'll all
go together.
You promise?
We promise.
Oh, okay.
Hey, hey,
wait a minute!
This is City Park.
I'm not going in there.
Harold, we're gonna
go get ice cream,
and the fastest way
is through the park.
Oh, can't we take
some other way?
It's the fastest way!
Come on,
don't be a baby.
Come on, man,
there's no
horse and buggy.
Or a Laughing Lady
or a Headless Cabbie.
It's just
an urban legend.
Yeah, Harold,
my grandpa told it to me.
And he always
makes up stories.
We'll be fine.
Okay, I'll go.
But only because
I'm really, really hungry.
SID: (IMITATING GHOST)
Ooh!
It's me, Harold,
the Headless Cabbie!
Stop it!
Ooh!
Stop it, Sid!
Stop it or I'll pound you!
Hold on, fellers.
Do you hear barking?
(DOG BARKING)
(PANTING)
No! It's the demon
Scottie dog!
STINKY: Oh, it's just
a happy little old mutt
come sniffin' up
to us, Harold.
There ain't nothing
to be scared of.
(WHIMPERS)
HAROLD: No! No, no, no!
It's a demon Scottie dog.
Don't touch it!
It'll put a spell on us
and we'll all wind up
with our heads cut off!
Come on, Harold,
relax!
It is kind of
a weird coincidence.
I mean, it's just like
the dog from the story.
Oh, shucks,
he's just a nice old boy.
We can't
just leave him here.
I reckon I'll take him
with me.
No! No, no, no!
(WHIMPERING)
Oh, come on, Harold.
(WIND BLOWING)
(OWL HOOTING)
(CLATTERING IN DISTANCE)
What's that?
It sounds like a horse.
Just like
in the story!
It's the Headless Cabbie!
ALL: Eugene!
Hi, guys!
(ALL SIGH)
You scared the stuffing
out of us, Eugene!
Oh, sorry.
I was just practicing
for my clog dancing class.
Clog dancing
on the cobblestones
in the early evening.
Now I've seen everything!
Oh, I hate this!
First the dog, then Eugene,
this whole sleepover
is scaring me to death!
Let's get out of this park
and get some
ice cream now, please!
We're almost through
the park, Harold.
See?
Here's the tunnel.
HAROLD: A tunnel?
I ain't going in any tunnel!
(WHINING) Aw, jeez!
I don't want to!
Man, this is creepy,
it's just like
in Arnold's story.
What story?
The Headless Cabbie.
Gosh, what's it about?
Don't tell it, Arnold,
I don't want to hear it!
We're already in
the dark, foggy tunnel.
And the demon
Scottie dog's barking.
(DOG BARKING)
And at the end of the tunnel
is going to be a man with
a golden hook for an arm.
Harold, that's not
going to happen.
We're almost
out of the tunnel. See?
Yeah, I guess you're right.
(ALL GASP)
Hey.
It's the man with
the golden hook for an arm!
(ALL SCREAMING)
Just wanted to sell them
a quality watch.
(ALL CONTINUE SCREAMING)
Wait, stop, you guys.
Nobody's chasing us.
We just let our imaginations
get carried away.
HAROLD: What imaginations?
(STAMMERING) That guy
with the golden hook
for an arm,
and the
barking dog...
It's all
a coincidence, Harold.
Speaking of coinkidinks,
Arnold, lookie there!
(ALL GASP)
No!
It's the red scarf
of the Headless Cabbie!
You guys, cut it out!
This is crazy!
It's just an old scarf.
(CLATTERING)
There's nothing weird
going on here.
Eugene, will you please
stop clogging.
I'm not doing anything.
(BARKING)
What is it, boy?
(BARKING)
(SCREAMING)
(ALL SCREAMING)
(GASPS)
(WHINNIES)
(CACKLES)
(ALL SCREAMING)
Where you going?
It's me, Ernie!
(PANTS)
Ernie?
(STAMMERS)
What are you doing here?
What's it look like I'm doing?
I'm driving this buggy
at night to earn
some extra cash.
You got a problem with that?
But, who's that
lady laughing?
That was no lady.
That was me!
Mr. Hyunh?
Yes!
I have a very creepy laugh.
Can we get out
of here now?
All right, all right, hop in,
I'll give youse a ride home.
Who wants to hear
my creepy laugh?
(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)
HAROLD: No, stop it!
Stop laughing!
Please! Mommy! Stop!
(CAR HORNS BLARING)
GERALD: All right, then.
See you later.
SID: See you.
STINKY: See ya.
What a night!
Tell me about it.
Ooh, I'm
the Headless Cabbie!
(DOOR OPENING)
Where's my head, Harold?
Stop it, Sid!
Please!
(LAUGHS MANIACALLY)
I'm the Laughing Lady,
Harold!
(LAUGHING)
HAROLD: Stop! Stop!
Stop! I'll never
pound you again, I promise!
Just stop it!
Cabbie, I'd like a ride
around the park, please.
Yes, ma'am.
I lost my Scottie dog
a few weeks ago
and I'm still hoping
to find him.
It's so cold out.
Won't you wear this scarf?
Oh, thanks, lady,
it is pretty cold out tonight.
(DOG BARKING)
(LAUGHING LADY
LAUGHS MANIACALLY)