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(BELL RINGS)

ARNOLD: Well,

here we go again.

Another day with

Helga the horrible.

Cheer up, Arnold.

It's Helga's last day

as hall monitor.

How bad could it be?

All right, people.

Step it up!

Keep moving,

keep moving.

That's right.

No clogging

the halls.

That's enough, son.

Save some

for the fishes.

(CHUCKLES)

What's this?

Loitering in the halls?

Holding up traffic,

defacing the

school property.

No, I was just

tying my shoe.

Yeah, yeah.

Move it or lose it, bucko.

(SIGHS) I love being

hall monitor.

Man, I do not care

who the next

hall monitor is,

as long as it's not

Helga G. Pataki.

(BELL RINGS)

You said it, Gerald.

Uh, let's all thank

Helga Pataki

for her month

of service to P.S. 118

as hall monitor,

and she certainly

has been dedicated.

We have never before

had a hall monitor

who personally made sure

no one stepped on

the cracks in the tile.

Thank you, Helga.

You're welcome.

This is our tradition

here in P.S. 118,

the retiring hall monitor

gets to select

the next officer.

Helga, have you

chosen your replacement?

Well, actually,

Mr. Principal Wartz,

I was thinking

of volunteering

for a second term.

(ALL GROANING)

Grr!

Now, Helga,

your dedication

is to be commended,

but there does come

a time for every

public servant

to turn in

the revered badge

and move on.

(SIGHS) Okay.

Fine. I pick...

ALL: Me!

HELGA: Phoebe.

Phoebe?

Phoebe?

Me?

(PARADE MUSIC PLAYING)

Congratulations to our

new hall monitor,

Phoebe Heyerdahl.

(ALL CHEERING)

But, Helga...

Uh, Helga,

don't take this

the wrong way,

I mean, I appreciate

your vote of confidence,

it's just that...

I don't think I would

make a very good

hall monitor.

Oh, you're just nervous.

There's nothing to it.

Just do like I do.

But that's just it.

I'm not like you, Helga.

Look, Phoebe,

hall monitor is

the greatest job

there is.

I mean, the perks

are incredible.

Free hall passes,

extra trips

to the water fountain,

and you get to boss

other kids around.

I couldn't let this job

go to just anyone.

I picked you because

you're my best friend.

Really?

Really.

(GIGGLES)

Well, thanks, Helga.

I'll do my best

to uphold the title

of hall monitor.

Never mind that.

Just make sure I still get

my lunch line privilege.

(SHOUTING)

Okay, Phoebe,

you're on.

Get out there

and round 'em up.

Excuse me.

Um, ahem, sir...

(BELL RINGS)

Uh, pardon me, but...

(PHOEBE SCREAMS)

(CRASHES)

Phoebe!

Are you all right?

Phoebe, say something!

I quit.

Phoebe, look. I admit,

when I first asked you

to be hall monitor,

I had my own interests

at heart.

But now, it's different.

Now it's a challenge.

We can make a hall monitor

out of you yet.

Helga, I appreciate

your trying,

I really do.

But let's face it,

the situation

is insurmountable.

It's hopeless.

Wait. Phoebe!

Maybe you're right.

Maybe you are a bit

too soft-spoken.

Or shall we say,

a bit too intellectual

to be a hall monitor.

But that's exactly

why you can't quit.

I don't get it.

Do you want to be

the kinda kid

who lets people

walk all over you

all the time?

Ow! Sorry!

No, but...

The kinda kid

who gets talked over,

(BELL RINGS)

stepped on,

and pushed down?

Ow!

Watch that elbow.

Whoa!

Excuse me, my fault. Ow!

No, Helga, but...

Please move!

This won't go away,

you know.

Sure you can

quit this,

but what happens

on your next job,

and your next?

Are you gonna let

a problem like this

keep you from being,

say, president?

(THUDDING)

Sooner or later,

you have to learn

to stand up

for yourself.

Phoebe, are you

listening to me?

Wow. A first grader

stepped on my glasses,

and I was still

wearing them.

(SIGHS)

You know something,

Helga?

You're absolutely right.

All my life,

I've been a follower.

I've let other people

push me around,

take cuts in line,

borrow my pencils

and never return them.

Well, not anymore.

This is it!

Out with the old Phoebe,

in with the new!

That's the spirit!

I'll have you acting

just like me in no time.

Ow!

Okay, I'm gonna run

down this hall here

and you're gonna

tell me to stop.

Okay.

Whee! Look at me,

I'm running.

I'm breaking the rules!

I'm deliberately

flouting authority!

Whee!

Excuse me...

Can't hear you!

Excuse me!

Yoo-hoo!

Stop running!

Uh-uh, that's not

gonna stop me.

Go ahead, give me

all you got!

Oh, brother.

This isn't gonna be easy.

Now let's say

someone's taking

a drink of water here,

and I take cuts

to the fountain.

What do you do?

Uh, no cuts,

no buts, no coconuts?

No, like this.

(BLOWS WHISTLE)

Oh!

(BLOWS WHISTLE) You! Halt!

Not bad!

Phoebe, you're gonna

do just fine.

(BELL RINGS)

Ahem!

All right, everyone.

Let's all walk nicely

on our way to class.

Excuse me, Sid,

no shoving, please.

Yeah, right.

Excuse me,

I said, no shoving.

Oh, yeah?

Well, I said...

Uh, you're the boss.

Oh, hi, Phoebe.

How's it going?

Did you see that?

No. What happened?

I just made a kid

listen to me.

Maybe you're right, Helga.

Maybe I can do this.

I'm sure you can, Phoebe.

It's all in the attitude.

That's enough, son.

Save some for the fishes.

(BELL RINGS)

Man, oh, man, Arnold!

I thought you said

hall monitors couldn't

get any worse than Helga.

That's what

I thought before...

Field Marshal Phoebe.

You, halt!

(GASPS)

Do you have any idea

how fast you were

going there, son?

I'm terribly,

terribly sorry.

I have to get

to a pre-algebra test,

and I just thought that...

You just thought, eh?

Did you ever just think

about the safety

of the other students?

What if at that exact moment,

the lunch lady was

walking by with a tray

of meat hash surprise?

Well, I guess

I didn't consider that.

Tell you what, son,

you take all the time

you need to think it over

in detention!

Hmm. Way to go, Phoebes.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

I love being

hall monitor.

Stay to the right,

young lady!

Man, she used to be

such a nice, quiet girl.

Did you hear about

that monster truck show?

Wish we could go.

Can't.

I've got detention.

I know, me too.

Look at these.

One for walking

too fast,

one for walking

too slow,

one for turning a corner

too sharply,

one for turning too wide,

one for squeaky shoes,

one for suspiciously

quiet shoes,

and these are just from

this morning!

What's this?

One for littering.

Hey, no cutting!

Executive privilege.

I've got my eye

on that last

tapioca pudding.

Pataki, no cutting.

(LAUGHS) Good one, Phoebe.

That rule

is for little people.

Remember,

I'm above the law.

No one's

above the law, Helga.

Phoebe, did you forget

who you're talking to here?

It's me, Helga!

The one who put you

on the map, remember?

Cutting is against

the rules.

I'm gonna have to

write you up for detention.

Phoebe! Get real!

Helga Pataki

doesn't do detention.

Besides, I've got tickets

to the monster truck show.

I was gonna take you.

No, you get real,

Pataki.

You're the one who taught me

not to let anyone

push me around.

Well, I'm not letting

anyone push me around,

and that includes you.

And one more thing,

I despise

monster truck shows!

See you in detention.

When I told you

not to let anyone

push you around,

I didn't mean me.

Phoebe?

Phoebe!

(LAUGHTER)

You know, Phoebe,

I was wrong about you.

You sure were.

Guess I'm not

that little mouse

who lets everyone

push her around

anymore, am I?

You missed a spot.

No, you're something worse.

You're a power-hungry,

hall monitoring bully!

(ALL GASP)

But you say that

like it's a bad thing.

Phoebe,

in the last week,

you've screamed

at kids in the halls,

you've rationed water

at the drinking fountain,

you've given out

more tickets

than a lottery.

I mean, look around!

Half of our class

is sitting here

in detention.

So what?

I'm just acting like you.

You're the one

who taught me

to be this way.

Yeah, well,

you didn't have to be

such a good student.

What happened to

the old Phoebe

I used to know?

(ALL AGREEING)

GERALD: Helga's right.

I heard that

she's pretty rude.

What? The old Phoebe

who let kids

push her around?

Forget it, she's gone.

And no one misses her.

I do.

You do?

Well, sure.

What about the old Phoebe,

who used to be

my best friend?

What about the old Phoebe

who used to help me

with my homework?

What about the old Phoebe

who used to always

let us use her pencil

when we forgot

to bring one?

And what about

the old Phoebe,

who used to eat

all the crust off

my sandwiches

and give me the middle?

We want

the old Phoebe back!

ALL: Yes! Yes!

Gee, have I really gotten

that bad lately?

Phoebe,

take a look here.

Look into

that reflection.

What do you see?

(SCREAMS)

Hey, it's not that scary.

Yes, it is!

I've lost

the old Phoebe.

Deep down,

I don't really want to be

this horrible,

bossy, scary,

selfish,

emotionally-challenged person

who has to order

people around

just to get respect.

Who'd want

to be like that?

You know something?

I'm going back

to the old Phoebe.

ALL: Yay!

I don't need this badge

to get respect.

Or this whistle,

or this book of tickets.

I don't need

any of this stuff.

I can get everyone's

respect and attention

just by being myself.

Right everyone?

Everyone?

(DOOR SLAMS)

Right, Phoebe.

I'm really

proud of you

for being strong enough

to be yourself.

Come on, let's go

get a soda.

Great idea.

I'll be right there.

You, halt!

Phoebe?

Coming, Helga.