MAN: (ON RADIO)
You're listening to M Jazz.
And keep it there,
we've got more smiles
from miles coming up.
ARNOLD:
You sure love jazz,
huh, Grandpa?
You always keep the radio
tuned to this station.
That's cause its stuck there.
It will only play
this station.
You excited
about the car show?
Excited? Oh, I'm bursting
with automotive fervor.
This is the year
I'll win the prize
with the best car at the show.
Oh, my beloved Packard.
It's my one true love.
But isn't Grandma
your one true love?
What are you, crazy?
The Packard is
my one true love.
Pookie is just my wife.
Hm, what you got there?
A word puzzle?
(MUMBLING)
Is that a "P"?
(SCREAMS)
(CRYING)
No. See?
"I love you, dear."
That's nice.
What does the word puzzle say?
You crazy, blind as a bat,
old buzzard!
Don't think I didn't see ya!
FEMALE ANNOUNCER:
Don't forget to admire
all of the Packards parked
in the center
of the hall, folks.
One of these beauties
will win the best
in show trophy.
What exquisite looking cars.
And what warm,
friendly owners.
Oh, look at this
gorgeous specimen!
Grandpa, that's your car.
It is? Oh, boy!
I think, we've got a shot
at winning, short man.
Oh, that's a beaut.
Would be a shame if something
should happen to it.
Yeah, great set
of wheels, though.
(TITTERING)
(SNIFFING)
Oh, I see you have
the original mother-of-pearl
p*stol grip brake handle.
Darn tootin', I do,
and don't touch it.
There's not a Packard here
that stands a chance
against it.
GRANDPA: (CHUCKLING)
Well...
If it isn't my arch nemesis,
Rex Smythe-Higgins.
Once again, we face off,
Packard to Packard, eh?
You still driving that heap?
Heap? Need I remind you
that my roadster
won the best of show trophy
the last five years running.
Why not? You paid off
the judges every year!
ANNOUNCER:
And now, ladies and gentlemen,
the benevolent mayorhood
of Packard Owners Organization
is ready to award the trophy
for best of show.
And the trophy goes to...
Steely Phil!
Woo-hoo! It's me!
(CHEERING)
All right, Grandpa!
WOMAN: Wonderful!
I simply love your car,
it's so well-preserved.
It's not the only thing
that's well-preserved
around here, lady.
How do you do?
My name is Ivana Divancevic.
Mine is Phil, Steely Phil.
And this is my grandson,
Arnold.
Would it be too much trouble
if I took your picture,
you know,
in front of your Packard?
It would be my pleasure.
IVANA: Perfect.
Too classy.
Oh, say, why don't you
jot down your address on this,
and I'll send you copies?
Here you go.
Marvelous. Well, I'm off.
Nice lady.
Very red scarf.
Am I drooling?
GRANDPA: Goodnight,
my award-winning Packard.
See you bright
and early tomorrow.
We'll go fishing.
Good morning, Packard!
Wake up,
you sleepy eyed car, you.
(GASPING)
It's gone!
My Packard is gone!
Sure, we'll find
your beloved Packard, mister.
Right after we find these
other missing vehicles.
(ALL LAUGHING)
Grandpa, it's lunchtime.
You want a sandwich?
I'm not hungry, short man.
I'll just sit here
all afternoon,
and sift through
my old photos.
(SIGHING)
They're Packard's oil stains,
Arnold.
I'll always cherish them.
(CRYING)
(DOORBELL RINGING)
So, the police aren't
of any help.
And now, Grandpa is
just sitting by himself
in the garage, sighing
and looking at old pictures
of the Packard,
and kissing them.
It's really got me worried.
I understand, Kimba.
(GRUNTS) Nerts!
I can't stand to see him
like this.
I don't know
how I'm gonna do it,
but I'm gonna find
the Packard.
(GLASS BREAKING)
(MOTOR REVVING)
Grandma?
Name is Spade,
hop on, Marlowe.
Where are we going?
To find the Packard,
sweet cheeks.
I snagged this. The program
from the car show.
Vic and Morrie, co-owners
of a ' Packard clipper.
What do you want?
Information about
a missing Packard.
Have you guys seen this car?
It won the trophy,
best of the show.
So, you didn't steal it?
Ay, this is the only Packard
we've got.
So, you don't have another
Packard up your sleeve?
Or, in your sock drawer?
What, are you crazy, lady?
Everybody knows
that Packard can't fit
in a sock drawer!
Sheesh, Sheila!
I don't think they did it.
Let's make like a rich dame
and go, "bye-bye."
Next stop,
part time drama critic
and full time hero. Life like.
What on earth
are you babbling about?
Some low-life nabbed
this Packard last night.
Where were you?
I was at the Opera.
All night?
As a matter of fact, yes.
I attended the entire
Ring of the Nibelungenlied
cycle.
It lasted from :
yesterday afternoon,
to :, this morning.
My ticket stub
and the souvenir coffee mug
should suffice as proof.
A car show
and hours of Opera,
all in one weekend?
Yes. (YAWNS)
And now, I need my rest.
The reviews are in,
and you are tiresome.
One suspect to go, Marlowe.
And, if he's not somehow
tied up in this,
then mess up my hair
and call me Frankie.
SMYTHE-HIGGINS:
Steal your Packard?
I wouldn't even dignify
that with an answer.
Come on, Smythe-Higgins,
you and Steely Phil
go way back.
If your Packard was stolen
wouldn't you suspect him?
Well, certainly.
But, that's because he's
a duplicitous, conniving,
scoundrel.
And, since I was in London
for the last hours.
I have an alibi.
It checks out, Grandma.
I mean, Spade.
Let's make like a magician
and disappear.
The trail is cold, Marlowe.
As cold as a brass toilet seat
on the shady side
of an iceberg.
Find the Packard yet, Pookie?
Nope. And the name is Spade,
Slim Spade.
I see, another character.
We talked to all the people
who were at the car show,
and everyone has an alibi.
Did you talk to that lady
with the red scarf?
A dame with a red scarf, eh?
Ivana Divancevic.
Cool your jets there, junior.
Marlowe, that trail
just got red-hot.
Let's make like an egg
and scram.
Make like an egg and scram?
But, Spade, Ivana is one woman
in the city
of millions of women.
Now, what are the odds
we'll find her?
Well, I'd say
they're pretty good.
Hey, Ivana!
Look, Marv's Scarves,
Hammett Avenue.
I sell a lot of scarves.
I can't remember who bought
that particular one.
Well, maybe a picture
of Lincoln would
change your mind.
It might.
Oh, no. I had another kind
of picture in mind.
He means five dollars.
Chandler street.
MAN: (OVER INTERCOM)
Yeah?
Hi. Does Ivana Divancevic
live here? We have her scarf.
Well...
She's out.
Grandma...
I mean, Spade, look.
Do you think it's Grandpa's?
Could be. Could be the doll
painted it red.
Aha! Marlowe!
You stole the Packard.
Grandma, I just
walked in the door.
Oh, well, in that case
never mind.
MAN: (ON RADIO)
Listening to M Jazz...
Can I help you?
Yeah, we're looking
for a stolen Packard.
Are you suggesting this car
is stolen?
You got it, doll face.
Do you have any proof?
My Grandpa always kept
his radio tuned to M Jazz too,
Ms. Divancevic.
(LAUGHING)
Surely you're not accusing me
of car theft,
because I enjoy jazz.
Funny thing, though,
the knob is stuck,
just like Grandpa's.
Well, all vintage Packards
have radios that stick.
Ask any Packard owner.
On the same radio station?
You've been very charming,
and I've been very patient.
But, I've done
nothing illegal.
This is my Packard,
and you're on
private property.
Yeah, yeah. Don't get
your knickers in a knot.
ARNOLD:
I just don't believe her.
The radio is stuck on M Jazz.
Isn't that enough proof?
Nope, circumstantial.
If only we had
some real evidence.
Here's looking up
your old address.
That's it!
What's it?
The bottle cap, see?
"I love you, dear."
Oh, well,
that's sweet of you, Marlowe.
No, it's a word puzzle.
Just like the one
on the bottle cap
I dropped on the floor
of Grandpa's Packard.
I bet it's still there.
Bingo.
No time for games, Marlowe.
Let's buzz the fuzz
and put the doll on ice.
IVANA:
Not so fast, pally.
Now, raise your hands
and stand up nice and easy,
or I'll lacquer
the both of you.
You, stripper!
(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)
(BOTH YELL)
The Jolly Olly man?
Who'd you expect?
Hedy Lamarr, huh?
Why'd you steal
Grandpa's Packard?
I was having the worst day
of my life, okay?
My dog laughed at me.
And then, the expiration date
of my milk was wrong.
And then, the old guy
ran me off the road.
So, I decided to get even.
See, I followed him
to the car show,
and I made with the costume
and the fright wig,
so I can find out
where he kept his Packard.
Then I borrowed it,
and painted it red. See?
Yeah, painted it red!
(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)
(CRYING) I'm sorry.
(STAMMERING) I get so crazy.
It's okay.
I won't press any charges,
this time.
As long as you paint
my car green again.
You got it. Thank you.
Don't mention it, to anyone.
Oh, and send me
those pictures.
Pookie, you're one
heck of a detective.
Oh, well, don't thank me,
Slim, Marlowe here,
came up with the clue
that cracked the case.
ARNOLD:
I wonder what it's like
to have normal grandparents.