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Credits
Written by: Craig Bartlett
Story by: Danica Ivancevic
Music by: Jim Lang
Directed by: Tuck Tucker and George S. Chialtas
Cast as Credited
| Arnold | Toran Caudell |
| Gerald | Jamil Walker Smith |
| Phil | Dan Castellaneta |
| Oskar | Steve Viksten |
| Suzie | Mary Scheer |
| Ernie | Dom Irrera |
| Mr. Hyunh | Baoan Coleman |
Transcription
It is a dark and stormy night. Lightning strikes in the sky above the Sunset Arms boarding house. Gerald is sleeping over Arnold's house. They are in his room looking for books to read.
Gerald
Man, Arnold, get a load of this one! It's called The Purdy Boys Dig Up the Severed Hand in the Cellar.
Arnold
Pretty good Gerald, but I've gotta read this one first.
(Arnold holds up a different book)
The Purdy Boys Trapped in a Mansion with a Bunch of Undead Mummies!
Gerald
(Gerald takes Arnolds book, lays down and opens it)
These books are sick! I love em!
(Arnold goes through the book box and finds a pair of glasses)
Arnold
Hey..what are these Gerald?
(Gerald takes the glasses and puts them on creepy music plays. Gerald laughs as his vision is blurry. Arnold takes the glasses off of Gerald and puts them on.)
Gerald
Look at you Arnold! (Chuckles)
(A knock is heard. Phil walks into Arnold's room. He has milk and cookies.)
Phil
Evening boys! Thought I'd bring you some milk and cookies before the power goes out again.
(He sets the milk and cookies down on a TV tray near Arnold's bed. Arnold and Gerald get up to eat and lightning strikes.)
Oooh. (Phil hugs himself as if he is scared.) I'd hate to have to send you boys downstairs to replace a fuse on a dark stormy night like this.
(Arnold takes a of his cookie and holds the glasses up.)
Arnold
Hey Grandpa, whose glasses are these?
(Phil takes the glasses. He takes a slight look at them and gasps in horror.)
Phil
Boony Marooni! Those look like the glasses of Four-Eyed-Jack! (Phil holds the glasses up to his eyes)
Gerald
Four-Eyed-Jack? Who's that?
Phil
You never heard of Four-Eyed Jack?
(Phil walks over to Arnold's bed and sits down)
Well, give me one of those cookies and I'll tell you the story.
(Arnold gives Phil a cookie)
Ooh this one's got sparkles on it.
(Phil takes a bite)
A weird fellow lived here in the boarding house a long time ago before either of you were born. Every one called him Four-Eyed-Jack, on account of the glasses. Couldn't see but three feet in front of him. People pretty much left him alone here in the boarding house. He mostly kept to his room in the cellar, cooking re-fried beans. Whoa! They stank to high heaven. Jack had a notion to invent a new method of cooking them. He was always experimenting on bigger and bigger batches of beans. Finally, he went too far. His pressure cooker exploded! And not a trace of Four-Eyed-Jack was ever found there again. Ever since then, on really stormy nights, the ghost of Four-Eyed-Jack wanders around the boarding house, blind as a bat, looking for his lost glasses, moaning and muttering and crashing into things, spreading his awful scent and scaring the ba-jiminy out of people.
(Phil looks at the glasses)
Funny these would turn up on a night like this.
Gerald
Wait one minute, you're telling me that this place, is haunted?
Phil
Well, no. That would be irresponsible. What I'm trying to say is..(Phil raises his voice and eyebrows) Yes! It is haunted. By the vengeful and holy crypt creeping ghost of (Phil hold the glasses to his eyes) FOUR-EYED-JACK!
(Phil gives the glasses back to Arnold)
Here you go Schortman. You'll be hearing from him tonight, I'll wager. By moving these glasses you disturbed his spirit.
(Phil gets up and walks to the door)
Arnold
We'll be hearing from him?
Gerald
Nah, just put the glasses back in the box where you found them, and forget about it.
Arnold
Maybe I was meant to find the glasses, and give them back to Four-Eyed-Jack, so then he can finally move on and stop haunting the boarding house.
Phil
Well, you boys believe what you want, nothing to do now but prey for mercy. (Phil's stomach rumbles) Ohh. I'll be in the commode, your Grandma made raspberry cobbler tonight. Oh boy. (Phil walks to the door). I'd be careful with those glasses Schortman. (Lightning strikes, aluminating Phil eerily, Phil leave the room and walks down the stairs laughing.)
Gerald
(Gerald picks up a book out of the box and opens it)
I bet those glasses belong to someone in the boarding house. Maybe Oskar or someone?
(Arnold walks over to the door and looks down the stairs from his room to the hallway)
Arnold
Hear something Gerald? (Arnold points down the stairs.)
Gerald
Yeah. Something made a bump, so what?
Arnold
It's him! He's looking for his glasses.
Gerald
(Throws his book down)
Forget it man! It's just your imagination. Look, this old house always makes noises at night.
Arnold
Come on!
(Arnold starts to make his way down the stairs. Gerald follows him)
Gerald
Okay. (rolls his eyes) Looks like it's gonna be a ghost hunt. I'd thought I'd just sleep over, read a couple of comic books, maybe listen to some CD's, but noo.
(Arnold reaches the bottom step and a creek is heard. He jumps off startled.)
Arnold
Listen to that! It's the ghost.
Gerald
(Gerald goes to the bottom step)
It's the bottom step of your stairs Arnold. It always creeks when you step on it. (Gerald jumps on it to demonstrate)
Get a hold of yourself, you're coming unglued.
(A loud rattling is heard. It surprises Gerald)
Arnold
You hear it, Gerald, it's louder than ever. He's real close.
(Arnold walks past one of the boarder's doors. The doorknob rattles for a few seconds. Then the door swings open and Oskar runs out. Susie is throwing records at him.)
Susie
I heard you were at the race track!
Oskar
I wasn't at the race track, I was looking for a job!
(A pitcher flies over Oskar's head.)
In the same neighborhood as the race track!
(Oskar closes the door.)
Susie
I know you were at the race track!
Arnold
Hi, Mr. Kokoschka.
Oskar
(Oskar is holding the door knob shut. Crashing is heard in the background and Susie continues to yell indistinguishably.)
Oh, hello Arnold, and, uh, Arnold's friend.
Gerald
(To Oskar) Gerald. (To Arnold) He doesn't look like any Four-Eyed-Jack to me Arnold. I say he looks like Oskar.
Oskar
What are you talking about?
Gerald
Arnold thinks there's a ghost haunting the boarding house.
Oskar
A ghost, in the boarding house? Foo, I don't believe in ghosts. I'm not the least bit superstitious.
Susie
What do you mean your not superstitious? You keep a horshoe in your pants!
Oskar
Don't mock my families traditions! (Oskar laughs)
Arnold
Have you been hearing anything unusual, any weird noises?
Oskar
Noises? What kind of noises?
(A combination of loud crashing noises and a gagging/gargling sound are heard down the hall. Arnold begins walking down the hall toward the next door. Oskar pulls a horshoe out of his pants and grins at Gerald. Gerald begins walking after Arnold)
Hold down! Don't leave me in the dark alone.
(The three walk down to the next door. Arnold is just about to knock when Ernie cracks the door. He peeks around it to talk.)
Ernie
Yeah.
Arnold
Hi Ernie. We were just wondering what..um..you were doing in there.
Ernie
Eh.None of your business.
Arnold
Oh..sorry..We thought the sound wa....(Gerald cut's him off.)
Gerald
See Arnold! (Gerald holds his arms out) There is no ghost! There is no such thing as ghosts!
Ernie
Ghosts? Did you say ghost? Hey not so fast kid. (Ernie opens the door and walks out into the hallway pointing at Arnold.)
Listen Arnold, you don't want to disturb the spirits of the night like this. You don't wanna mess with the unknown. (Ernie puts his thumb to his chest) Cause I messed with the unknown one time.
Arnold
(Arnold is shocked.)
What happened?
Ernie
Nothin', but it coulda been horrible. (Ernie looks up and back down. There is creepy music playing in the background) I coulda been struck dead or turned to stone or somethin'. Who knows? (Ernie's eyes widen.) That's why they call it the unknown. Listen, if I were you boys, (Ernie points at Arnold, Gerald and Oskar) I'd turn back right now. (Ernie does a hitchhikers thumb down the hall toward Arnolds room, a creepy background sound is heard after Ernie says his last line.)
Oskar
Turn back from what!?
Ernie
Well..um..eh..I.I don't know if I should tell you this. (Ernie looks scared and points down the hall towards the downstairs.)
Arnold
Tell us what! Go ahead!
Ernie
Well...eh (Ernie points downstairs again, and begins walking over to the stairs.) the last couple of nights..I've been hearing some pretty funny sounds come from down there. (The screen flashes to a shot down the stairs for a second with an eerie sound to accompany it.) Like someone gagging on a hoagie.ehe.. it was horrible. (The rest of the group joins Ernie at the top of the stairs.)
Arnold
See Gerald? I told you. It's Four-Eyed-Jack
Gerald
Oh great! (Gerald rolls his eyes.) Now everything sounds like Four-Eyed-Jack!
(Arnold moves closer to the stairs. A horrible gagging noise is then heard from downstairs.)
Ernie
That's the sound! (Ernie points downstairs.)
Arnold
It's him! Four-Eyed-Jack! (Arnold starts down the stairs) Come on!
Ernie
I'm not going anywhere without the old equalizer here.
(Ernie brandishes his mallet. The whole group heads downstairs, first Arnold, then Ernie, Gerald, and Oskar last. They reach the bottom and begin walking to the kitchen. The horrible gagging noise is heard again.)
I'll go first. This could get ugly.
(The group, led by Ernie, goes into the kitchen. They stop in suprise as soon as they reach the doorway, for there is a figure standing by the sink. It starts making the gagging noise. The group is frightened. The figure turns around and starts walking toward them, gagging in the proccess. The lightining strikes and the figure is revealed to be Mr. Hyunh. He spits into a coffee mug.)
Mr. Hyunh
Hello! Yes!
Ernie
I told ya it would get ugly.
Arnold
Mr. Hyunh?
Gerald
Are you okay?
Mr. Hyunh
Of course, I am okay (He wipes his face with a handkercheif) I was just gargling.
Gerald
(Gerald walks foward.)
Gargling? He was gargling Arnold! Okay? He's not the ghost of Four-Eyed-Jack, alright?
Arnold
Sorry Mr. Hyunh. I guess I got carried away. See, we're sort of looking for a ghost.
Mr. Hyunh
Oooh, I don't like ghosts. Really creepy! (He shivers) Are you saying there's a ghost in the boarding house Arnold?
Arnold
(Holds his arms out)
Well.
(The back kitchen window flings open, news paper on the counter flies around the room. The night sky turns red. The papers form into the shape of a floating monster for a brief second and then with a spark of electricity, scatter.)
Mr. Hyunh
When there is a ghost in the house, (A newspaper flies into Mr. Hyunh's face.) You need to give him an offering to get him to go away!
(Mr. Hyunh opens the refridgerator.)
This chicken...look good!
Ernie
Hey, that's my lunch!
Oskar
Give him the hallibut. It's going bad anyway.
(Mr. Hyunh pulls the fish out of the fridge and closes the door.)
Gerald
You guys are all crazy. I refuse to believe any of this.
(Thunder sounds and lightning strikes in the sky. At this moment a loud creepy moan sounds. The groups attention is turned toward the coat closet door. Arnold walks over to the door and opens it. The moaning sounds again. Arnold pulls the coats inside the door aside to reveal a secret passageway. There are steps heading down to a secret basement area. The rest of the group follows into the door. Arnold grabs the lantern near the steps and begins his journey downstairs. The group follows him as the moaning continues.)
Oskar
I know! Let's catch him and send him to the circus. We can make money.
Mr. Hyunh
No. It's bad luck to harm a ghost.
(The group reaches the bottom of the stairs. The moaning is louder. They come upon a hallway that leads to a single door.
Gerald
(Gerald whiffs his nose.)
Man, he didn't exaggerate about one thing Arnold. Something sure stinks around here.
Arnold
Yeah.
(The group begins walking the long dark hallway, the moaning continues. The boarders complain about the smell with indistinguishable comments as they walk by. The group eventually reaches the door. Arnol reaches for the doorknob. The whole group is scared.)
Gerald
Hey wait!
(Arnold moves his hand away from the door)
Maybe we shouldn't open it.
Arnold
Why not?
Gerald
Look man, if you open that door and we find out whats behind it, one of us will be right.
Arnold
So?
Gerald
So.. one of us will be wrong and what if it's me?
Arnold
(Arnold rolls his eyes and reaches for the knob. Before he can even touch it the doorknob starts jiggling from the other side. The door opens. Arnold drops the lantern and a mysterious figure appears from behind the door. Everyone one screams. As the light from the room becomes visible, the figure is reveiled to be Phil.He is holding a newspaper under his arm.)
Phil
Never eat raspberries boys.
Arnold
Grandpa, what are you doing here?
Phil
Hey, can't a fellow use the downstairs bathroom in peace?
Arnold
I didn't know we had a downstairs bathroom. I thought this was a secret passageway.
Phil
(Phil moves to the side of the doorway, revealing a nicely decorated bathroom.)
It is.You think I want everyone finding out about my extra bathroom. (The toilet sparkles.) I'd never get my reading done. (Phil winks. All of the boarders begin to walk into the bathroom amazed.)
Oh great, now the secret's out!
Ernie
It's even got a shower.
Oskar
And marble sinks!
Ernie
The old guy's been holding out on us, look at this magazine rack. (Ernie gestures Oskar to come with him. They walk across the room.) Must be made of pure walnut.
Mr. Hyunh
Nice wallpaper! (He pats the wallpaper.) Bunny Rabbit!
Gerald
Man!, are you satisfied Arnold? There is no ghost.
Ernie
(The borders walk out of the bathroom.)
The kid's right Arnold. No ghost. (Waving to the boarders) Let's go back upstairs.
Phil
(As the boarders walk out.)
Alright, come on let's go, get a move on now. Goodnight.
Gerald
Man, I can't believe we spent half the night, looking for some dumb ghost. Let's get some sleep.
(Gerald begins to head upstairs. Arnold stays back at the bathroom for a couple of seconds. He peers in, pulls out Four-Eyed-Jack's glasses and then shuts the light off in the bathroom. Later that night, Arnold and Gerald are sleeping in Arnolds room. Something eters Arnold's room and takes the glasses he has in his hand. It then goes over to Gerald, who is sleeping on Arnolds couch. It pulls the covers onto him. Gerald rouses and looks up. Standing before him is the real ghost of Four-Eyed-Jack. Gerald cannot believe what he is seeing and rubs his eyes. The ghost then lurches foward.)
Ghost of Four-Eyed-Jack
Um....BOO!
(Gerald screams at the top of his lungs and the ghost of Four-Eyed-Jack flies out of Arnold's skylight into the night. Car alarms go off and lights turn on all over the boarding house.)
End
