(WHIRRING)
(BEEPING)
(WHIRRING)
(GRANDPA SINGING)
I hate this traffic jam every morning.
Hey, 13 boarders, one bathroom.
What do you expect?
What about Mr. Smith?
He has his own private shower.
And a great big split level suite.
I don't like him.
He thinks he's better than us.
With his fancy clothes and tipping hat.
Tip, tip, tip.
Guy's lived here three years, he's never said a word.
Well, he's just a very private person, Mr. Potts.
Oh, yeah, yeah. That's what they all say.
Hey, gramps.
Did you drown in there, or what?
Mr. Smith, breakfast incoming.
(BEEPING)
Well, that Mr. Smith really bugs me.
Yeah, and he eats too fast.
Special room, special meals delivered, special own shower.
Special everything.
Who does he think he is?
Well, he does pay extra, Mr. Kokoshka.
And on time.
Arnold, I think Mr. Smith is very odd.
He's creepy. He gives me the creeps.
Oh, come on, Mr. Hyunh.
He's just a regular guy like the rest of us.
(PIG GRUNTING)
(PIG GRUNTING)
ERNIE: Yeah, he's regular, all right.
Real regular.
Yeah. Oh, yeah.
(CHATTERING)
OSKAR: He's the weirdest guy in the world.
Package for Mr. Smith.
He's not here.
Can I trust you to give it to him? Sure.
It must be delivered right into Mr. Smith's hands.
Nobody else can open it. Understand?
Yes, sir. Don't worry.
You can count on me.
Hey, by any chance, is that from the toupe-of-the-month club?
Nope. It's something for Mr. Smith.
Oh, really?
Smith, huh?
He never got a package here before.
What kind is it?
Plain brown paper, plain string, pretty ordinary.
Too ordinary, if you ask me.
I wonder what's in it.
This is Mr. Smith's private property.
That guy's a freak. Give me that.
He's creepy. Real creepy.
(KNOCKING AT DOOR)
I told you, I'm not giving you the package!
It's me, Gerald. Oh.
So, I hear you got a package
for that secret guy, Mr. Smith.
Yeah, and I alone have been shouldered
with the weight and responsibility of its safety.
Cool, let's open it.
No!
Why not?
Gerald, it belongs to Mr. Smith.
Yeah, and I bet there's something really weird in there.
(SQUEAKING)
I don't know, Gerald.
(EXCLAIMING IN HORROR)
(CATS MEOWING)
We've got to get this package to Mr. Smith no matter what.
Come on.
Let's see.
What do we know about Mr. Smith?
Arnold, we know nothing about Mr. Smith.
Well, we know he always wears one of those weird bowler derbies.
Now, where do they sell bowler derbies?
Well, the only place I know is Toller's Bowlers on 44th.
How do you know that?
That's where my man Fuzzy Slippers gets 'em.
So, let's go.
Okay, I distract the guy
telling him I'm looking for a bowler derby.
Right. Meanwhile, I sneak a look at his Rolodex
and see if I can find anything on Smith.
Right.
Wait a minute. Why would two kids be looking for a bowler derby?
I got an idea. Right.
What is it? You'll see.
Okay. Okay.
Hello, old chap. How can I help you?
I'm looking for a certain hat.
Well, you've hit the mother lode.
Now, how about this one?
Or this one?
Ah, this one is perfect
for the particularly rare shape of your head.
You look smashing, old boy.
Why, thank you.
But, actually, old chap, I'm looking for something rather more like that one.
Oh. All the way up there, sir?
Yes. The one with the feather.
If I may, old chap.
Okay. Up there, then.
Right. Good.
Now I have to go to Mount Kilimanjaro
for this tall, slender frameless chap.
There it is.
Arnold, hang on to that pipe for a second.
Huh? What are you, nuts?
I'll just be a second.
(GRUMBLES)
Sander, Salami, Salome...
Here it is. Smith!
Come on, Gerald. Step on it.
Is this the bowler... Whoa!
No!
(CRASHES)
Maybe I should get another job.
Are you sure?
Absolutely.
It's at 234, Smith avenue.
Satellite industries.
Sounds like the name
of some covert cover-up operation for the CIA.
I knew it.
He's a spy, man. I told you.
Come on.
Yes.
We have a package for Mr. Smith.
Which Mr. Smith?
You mean there's more than one?
That's right.
There's John Smith, John Smith Sr.
John Smith Jr., John Smith the third,
John Smith esquire,
John Q Smith, John Smith Smith
John John Smith.
Don't you have any plain Mr. Smiths?
I'm sorry, that information is classified.
Now suppose I were to tell you
I don't buy that, lady.
What would you say to that?
(BEEPING)
(THUMPING)
(GROANS)
Sheesh. This has been fun.
We've been on a wild goose chase halfway across the city
and we still have no idea how to find that Smith guy.
I'm not giving up, Gerald.
I'm handing this package to Mr. Smith, if it's the last thing I do.
Arnold, it's hopeless.
Do you know the chances of us
finding one specific person in a huge city?
A billion to one, you hear me?
A billion to one!
MAN: Have a good day, Mr. Smith.
Or less.
Stay, Smith!
Mr. Smith!
Hurry. Follow that taxi.
Behind the yellow line
while the bus is in motion
and get your package out of my ear.
(BOTH SIGHING GRIMLY)
GERALD: Mr. Smith, we have a package for you.
ARNOLD: Mr. Smith!
ARNOLD: Look!
Man, that guy is unbelievable.
Okay, that's it.
Yeah, let's just open it and get it over with.
Come on, Arnold. No one will know.
We can just tape it back up afterwards.
I just can't do it, Gerald.
Let's take the package and go home.
But, what about the boarders?
Ugh, they've probably forgotten about the whole thing by now.
(DOG BARKING)
(CHATTERING)
(BOTH EXCLAIMING)
Grandma, Grandpa, you all right?
Blegh!
Wait till I get my hands on that Ernie Potts.
What did he do with my kitchen?
(GRUMBLES)
Run, boys. Run!
There he is. Get him!
Get the kid.
(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)
Smash him!
(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)
(STRAINING)
(YELLING)
Hey. Watch the hair.
It's ours. Get it!
(GERALD SCREAMING)
(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)
Guys, what are you doing?
You're acting like a bunch of animals.
Well, whatever it is, you ripped it.
OSKAR: My family?
That's so sweet.
ERNIE: I feel like a real heel.
(KNOCKING AT DOOR)
Package for Mr. Smith.
Can I trust you to give it to him?
(EXCLAIMING IN HORROR)