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[The episode begins with a clock showing 12:00 noon. We go to P.S. 118's playground as the school's bell rings. Harold makes a silly face]
- Arnold: Okay, recess is over! Let's go! Balls in! [Arnold gets pelted with dodgeballs. Curly comes to Arnold with a ball spinning on the former's finger]
- Curly: So, Arnold?
- Arnold: Hi, Curly.
- Curly: Last day as ball monitor, huh? [Arnold collects some balls and puts them in the bag]
- Arnold: Uh huh.
- Curly: It's pretty good being ball monitor, isn't it? I mean, you get respect as ball monitor! Right?
- Arnold: I guess so.
- Curly: [he helps Arnold with the ball bag] You get to go to recess early, and stay late putting the balls back in the bag, and best of all, you decide who gets a ball! That commands some heavy respect, doesn't it?
- Arnold: Well, I never thought of it that way.
- Curly: Hey, need some help?
- Arnold: Thanks, Curly. [Curly carries the other end of the ball bag as the two carry it back inside]
- Curly: Well, I figure I better get used to carrying these! [He hums a tune. The next day, his alarm goes off. Curly wakes up and goes to his calendar, with the second week written "Ball Monitor" with two arrows pointing in opposite directions in between "Ball". He crosses a day off and smiles gleefully. Now in his head] Today is my day. [he combs his hair] The day I become ball monitor! I'll smile and be pleasant! [A fantasy. Curly marches down the halls with a smile on his face] Heck, I'll be down-right amiable, a real bon vivant!
- Stinky: That Curly is one real bon vivant!
- Curly: [still in his head] I'll hold the door open for my fellow students! I'll let people answer questions in class I could've easily answered! [Curly and Harold raise their hands. The former points to the latter]
- Harold: Wait! I know! I know! I actually know!
- Curly: [still in his head] I'll even let people cut in front of me! [Curly leads Sid to the water fountain. Sid gets his drink as Curly helps push the button]
- Sid: [off-screen] You know, Curly's alright. [fantasy ends]
- Curly: [still in his head] At recess, the announcement will be made! [Mr. Simmons blows his whistle. The kids gather 'round] Mr. Simmons will gather us all together...
- Mr. Simmons: [clears his throat] Well, class, it's Monday recess. And that could only mean one thing! This week's ball monitor is... [Camera pans from right to left, Phoebe, Helga, Eugene, Sid and Curly. And the monitor is no one else but...] Sid! [Before Simmons said Sid's name, Curly took a bow, but after Sid got selected, Curly gasps in horror]
- Sid: Okay! Come and get 'em! [Gerald, Rhonda, and Harold approach the ball bag]
- Curly: [no longer in his head] But today is my day! I'm the one! It's me! [Simmons approaches Curly]
- Simmons: Curly, is something wrong?
- Curly: Yes, I'm this week's ball monitor! I'm the ball monitor! I AM! ME!!
- Simmons: Actually, Curly, Sid is our ball monitor this week. [Curly's jaw drops] I have it on my chart back in the classroom. Don't worry, your turn will come. [notices some kids eating paint] Hey! You two, that paint is toxic, please don't eat it! [Curly grumbles, but then stops. Later in the cafeteria with a neutral deadpan expression, he's sitting alone at a table. Harold laughs, and Stinky does so a little, but then a food fight occurs between the two, leaving Curly to be, what I might think of as, a divider between them as a carrot lands on his head. More kids laugh]
- Arnold: Curly's acting a little strange today.
- Gerald: Today? He's strange everyday!
- [Scene goes to Curly with that expression I mentioned earlier. The cafeteria behind him zooms out. Later, as the kids enter their classes, Curly, now in the halls, looks both ways like when one's about to cross the street, and enters a gym equipment closet and picks up the ball bag. Principal Wartz comes out of his office]
- Principal Wartz: Oh, uh... sorry, son. Almost got defended back there. [sees the ball bag] Ball monitor this week, are ya? Excellent! Lots of responsibility! [Curly sees the door next to him, thinks for a few seconds, and enters Wartz's office... with the ball bag! The door closes. Wartz heard it and rushes to his office] Son, open this door now! [tries to move the knob] You're in my office! What do you possibly think you're doing?
- Curly: I'm not opening this door! I'm not coming out! I'm mad as heck, and I'm not going to take it anymore!
- Wartz: What are you talking about?
- Curly: Turns out I am not the ball monitor this week! I wanted the responsibility! [Wartz continues to attempt to move the knob if you listen closely. Curly gets villainous] Oh, I can taste it! And I am not having a fine day! In fact, something has gone terribly, terribly wrong!!
- Wartz: I see something has gone wrong! You come out right now, or you'll be facing some very, unpleasant times ahead! I'm warning you! [Curly opens up the window above the door]
- Curly: [a la The Shining] Here's Curly! [he throws a dodgeball at Wartz]
- Wartz: OW! Gah!
- Curly: That's one! One for me and 498 to go! [He throws another dodgeball and laughs evilly. Lightning flashes outside]
- [It's now raining in Hillwood. Inside the school, kids are clamoring about the chaos]
- Stinky: I heard Curly gone and hauled himself up in Principal Wartz's office with the bag of balls! [Sid comes in]
- Sid: My bag of balls!
- Stinky: Now he won't come out!
- Wartz: Okay, young man, I'm going to count to three! One... [Count one shows Sid and Stinky with worried faces. They exchange looks at the count of...] two... [Count three shows Ruth, Nadine, and Rhonda, also with worried looks] three! [the knob suddenly moves] I knew he'd come to his senses. [to the kids] Stand back, children! He's coming out! [Curly, now wearing a black tank top and headband climbs up a ladder with yet another dodgeball at hand. He opens the window and throws the dodgeball. It hits Stinky]
- Stinky: Hey! What'dya do that for?
- Curly: Get back! Back I say! [Throws another dodgeball, and a couple more. The kids run in fear. Arnold and Gerald are behind lockers]
- Arnold: I think that Curly's finally snapped.
- Gerald: No kidding. [The boys miss a dodgeball. Sid enters the men's room and tells Brainy and Eugene the news]
- Sid: Guys! Curly's snapped! He's throwing kickballs at Principal Wartz! MY kickballs!!
- Helga: [laughing evilly] It's finally happened! Our demented Curly has gone over the edge.
- Peapod Kid: Curly? Snapped? How terrible! Terribly sad!
- Campfire Lass: There's a grand brouhaha outside Principal Wartz's office! Let's go! [two other girls put on their berets follow her out of the library]
- Wartz: [holding a trash can lid with one hand] Young man? Young man!
- Stinky: [correcting him] His name's Curly, Mr. Principal Wartz.
- Wartz: [to Stinky] Oh, thank you. [to Curly] Curly!
- Curly: [over the P.A. system] Thaddeus! My name is Thaddeus! Thaddeus "Curly" Gammelthorpe to you, Wartz!
- Wartz: Well, Mr. Gammelthorpe. Let's talk like civilized human beings. What is the problem here?
- Curly: [P.A.] I'll tell you what the problem is! INJUSTICE!!! Day in and day out! But the ultimate injustice is what happened today! Today, I was denied my sacred right [In Simmons' class, he's eating noodles, but notices the speakers] to be this week's ball monitor, and I was ready to accept that responsibility! But did I get it? No! And why? Because I was slap-down by the man!
- Simmons: Oh my word! I hope I'm not too late! [he leaves his classroom]
- Curly: [P.A.] [the dinging sounds are from a Newton's Cradle, which Curly starts up] For weeks, I studied the proper ball monitor procedures and etiquette! I awaited my turn! I looked forward to getting my shred of respect!
- Arnold: Man, he really wanted to be ball monitor!
- Gerald: I hated being ball monitor! You have to lug those balls in and out! Then you gotta collect them all over again when they're done.
- Simmons: [approaches the door] Curly! Curly, it's me, Mr. Simmons speaking. [clears his throat] We all respect you, and think you're special. Now why don't you open the door, and... [Curly opens the overhead window]
- Curly: Save your new age-isms for the saps, granola boy! [throws a dodgeball at Simmons]
- Simmons: Ow!
- Wartz: I'll handle this, Simmons! This boy's obviously disturbed! I'm gonna ram the door! [almost charges at it like a bullfighting event] Ram it, kid! Give 'im the head log!
- Simmons: Please, Principal Wartz! He needs sensitivity, now more than ever! Please let me reason with him!
- Curly: [with another dodgeball at the ready] Reason with me? [He throws it. They all flee in fear] I shouldn't reason with the likes of you! I'm too smart for your executive game! [closes the overhead window]
- Wartz: Nice job, Mr. Sensitive.
- Simmons: You know, just give me time, we'll talk him down. Curly? What's happened here? Why are you in Principal Wartz's office with all of the school's kickballs?
- Curly: [P.A.] Why? You should know of all people, Simmons! For weeks, I marked the days off my calendar! One by one! Till today, the day I would finally be appointed ball monitor! [camera pans from left to right, Rhonda, Phoebe, Helga, Gerald, Arnold, Stinky, Sid, and Harold] I opened the front door to P.S. 118, and everyone walked in past me, just assuming I was the doorman!
- Stinky: Well, he was just standing there. So, I went in.
- Curly: [P.A.] Then later in class, Harold answered the bonus question I was about to answer! Harold STOLE the question from ME! Another injustice!
- Harold: No fair! He let me answer that question!
- Simmons: Curly, you let Harold answer that question!
- Curly:[P.A.]Then, Sid takes my place at the drinking fountain, and is rewarded by the system by getting my job of ball monitor!
- Sid: Curly, I got an idea. Why don't you take over as ball monitor? I could do it next week.
- Curly: I don't want your ball monitor week! I wanted my own! [throws another dodgeball as some kids flee]
- Wartz: Listen, Mr. Camelthorpe!
- Simmons: [correcting him] It's "Gammelthorpe".
- Wartz: Yeah, yeah, whatever, alright? Okay, you! You're running out of time and I'm running out of patience! What are your demands?
- Curly: My demands? Okay! I'll tell you my demands! I want two Yahoo Sodas and, uh... and a meatball sub!
- Wartz: He's playing hardball.
- Curly: And I want them delivered by someone I can trust: last week's ball monitor! Arnold!
- Arnold: Me?
- Gerald: Congratulations. [Curly laughs maniacally over the speakers]
- Curly: [P.A.] I got 300 more kickballs in here, and I'm not afraid to use them! [Throws another ball as everyone flees. Later, Arnold is carrying Curly's aforementioned refreshments on a tray]
- Gerald: Nice job, Arnold!
- Wartz: [whispering] Arnold, you get Curly to open that door, and we'll rush him and grab him.
- Arnold: Don't you think we should try to talk to him?
- Wartz: [starts to get cross] We're doing my plan! That's what we're gonna do! Not your talking plan...
- Simmons: [shushes him] Now just let him try. Remember, sensitivity.
- Wartz: Look, we're dealing with a dangerous element here.
- Arnold: It's just Curly, Principal Wartz, [Eugene walks to him] and they're just kickballs, they're not dangerous.
- Eugene: [I guess I spoke too soon. Eugene gets hit with another dodgeball] Ow!
- Arnold: Curly? I got the Yahoo and the meatball sub. Open the door, and I'll give 'em to you.
- Curly: You think I'm an idiot? You probably got some plan!
- Arnold: No, Curly! I just got the meatball sub! Open the door.
- Curly: Okay. But first, everyone, back away! [They do so] Get back! Move it, people! You wouldn't double-cross me, would you?
- Arnold: No, Curly!
- Curly: Okay, Arnold. Come in. [He does so, but suddenly Curly yanks him in]
- Stinky: Whillikers! Now we got ourselves a hostage situation! [in the office]
- Curly: Yahoo! Ain't nothing to it, but to do it! [drinks some soda]
- Arnold: Curly, why are you doing this?
- Curly: Because I was supposed to be ball monitor! I can show you my calendar.
- Arnold: Look, If you really think you're supposed to be ball monitor, then let's talk to Mr. Simmons about it. [Curly gives him a look. Arnold opens the overhead window] We need to talk to Mr. Simmons! [Both Simmons and Wartz give each other a glance. Later, Simmons is looking at the chart]
- Simmons: Let's see, here's Harold, Eugene, Rhonda, Sheena... [gasps] I see where I lost you! Look! The week of the holiday! I didn't carry it over to the week of the twelfth! Curly, you were absolutely right and I was wrong! You were supposed to be the ball monitor this week!
- Curly: I knew it! I KNEW IT!
- Arnold: Great! Let's get out of here!
- Curly: Oh no! Not until I have a deal in place! We need Sid!
- Arnold: [opens the overhead window again] We need Sid! [now, all four are in the office]
- Sid: How about you take over tomorrow, do the rest of the week, and also next Monday, then I'll take over for the rest of next week?
- Curly: Nah, too messy.
- Arnold: How about if you just let Sid finish up this week, and start your week next week?
- Simmons: Curly?
- Curly: Well, we'll have to hammer out the details, but okay. [He shakes Sid's hand. Sid shakes Arnold's, then Curly shakes Simmons']
- Simmons: Curly, I'm proud of you for coming to this very reasonable agreement. Let's go back to class, shall we?
- [The door finally opens, and out come the gentlemen]
- Harold: What happened?
- Helga: Any bloodshed?
- Simmons: Absolutely not. We solved the problem in a peaceful manner.
- [everyone cheers]
- Simmons: I think we all learned a valuable lesson here today.
- Helga: Yup. Don't ever trust the quiet ones. They'll go bonkers and haul up in the principal's office.
- Simmons: Now, come on class! We got just enough time to finish watching the slides of my visit to Tierra Del Fuego. [Everybody heads off. Curly's about to join them, but is stopped dead in his tracks by Wartz]
- Wartz: Alright, son. Come with me. [grabs Curly by the arm]
- Curly: Hey! Where are you taking me? I thought we worked it all out! Remember, Principal Wartz! SENSITIVITY!!
- Wartz: [laughs heartily] I'll give you sensitivity! I'll give you a week's worth of sensitivity every day after school. [he sends Curly to detention]
- Curly: Hey! I'm not supposed to be in detention! Come on, I'll die from the detention! NOOOOO!! Come on! I'm the ball monitor! [makes dog noises]