Bag of Money/Transcript

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Alley

(The episode begins with Arnold, Gerald, and Sid walking through an alleyway together. Gerald has a basketball under his arm)

Gerald

I told you, Sid, you can't do it!

Sid: What are you talkin' about? I can dribble!

(He takes the basketball from Sid and attempts to do so, only to lose his footing and send the ball into a garbage can. Among the junk is a bag full of money)

Arnold

Hey, what's that?

(They go over to look, and are surprised at what they see)

Sid

Oh, man!!

Mighty Pete

Arnold

(counting) Three thousand nine hundred thirty six, three thousand nine hundred thirty seven dollars!

Sid

We're rich! We're rich!

Gerald

That's one thousand three hundred and twelve dollars each! (winks) Plus change.

Arnold

Guess we should turn it in to the police.

Sid

What!?

Arnold

It's not our money, and somebody obviously lost it.

Sid They don't know that! Maybe they threw it away!

Gerald

How would anyone throw out three thousand nine hundred thirty seven dollars?

(As Sid responds, Arnold begins to pack the money back in its bag)

Sid

Maybe they just didn't want the money, or maybe they had so much money, they were sick of it all, so they decided to throw it in the trash and live a more simpler and carefree life.

Arnold

Come on, Sid. You'd really believe that?

Sid

Yes. Yes I do.

Arnold

Look, we have to tell them. Besides, we could get a reward.

Gerald

He's right, Sid.

Sid

Okay, okay, if we have to get all moral about it.

Gerald

(with the bag in hand) We'll go over to the police station right now. The sooner we get there, the sooner we'll get our reward mone-!

{Sid stops him)

Sid

Wait a second! I can't go now! It's my dad's birthday and I promised I'd be home by five!

Arnold

Okay, then Gerald and I can do it.

Sid

What about me? We all found the money. It's not fair to leave me out of the big moment when we turn it in.

Arnold

Well, I guess we can do it in the morning. Meet me outside the police station at eight tomorrow, but what are we gonna do with the money till then?

Sid

I'll take it! (snatches the bag)

Gerald

I think I should take it.

(They begin fighting)

Sid

No! If I can't take it home, why should you?

Gerald

(quickly backs off) Alright, alright. How 'bout we let Arnold take it home?

Arnold

It's okay with me. You guys trust me right.

Gerald

Sure I trust you!

Sid

Okay, why not? (hands him the bag) We can trust Arnold. After all, Arnold is the most honest guy around.

Sunset Arms Boarding House

(At home, Arnold places the bag of money in a secret compartment in his room for the night before going to sleep)

City Bus

(The next morning, Arnold takes the public bus to get to the police station, when the bus stops to pick up an elderly woman with pink hair, one eyebrow, a peg leg and with similar looking bags in tow. Arnold gives her some room to sit)

Old Woman

Thank you, young man.

(Arnold and the woman share smiles with each other while her pet bird greets him. A while later, the bus arrives at her destination and she makes off, winking at Arnold as she does)

Police Precinct 2

(At the police station...)

Sid

(talking to an officer) ...three thousand nine hundred thirty seven dollars! Show him, Arnold!

(Arnold holds the bag up, but...)

Officer

Bird seeds?

Boys

Huh?

(They look in it. Turns out Arnold and the old woman mistakenly took each other's bags, leaving Arnold with the bags of bird seeds the woman bought)

Arnold

Ah-auh, she must've took my bag by mistake!

Gerald

What are you talking about, Arnold?

Sid: Where's our money?

Arnold

It was this old lady. She had a peg leg and pink hair and one eyebrow and she had all these plastic bags with her and she took my bag by-by mistake.

Gerald

A lady with a peg leg and one eyebrow!?

Sid

And pink hair. That is the craziest story I have ever heard! (he and Gerald walk out)

Arnold

I know it sounds weird, but it's true. I'm really sorry, but I don't know what else to say.

Sunset Arms Boarding House

(Arnold goes home. After he goes in, Sid and Gerald converse on the matter)

Sid

An old lady with a peg leg with one eyebrow and pink hair, carrying a bunch of plastic bags just like the one that had our money in it, doesn't that sound suspicious to you?

Gerald

I know it sounds weird, but Arnold wouldn't make something like that up. He is honest and is true blue.

Sid

Three thousand nine hundred thirty seven dollars, Gerald. I mean, think about it.

P.S. 118 Hallway

(At school, Sid talks to some of the kids about the incident)

Sid

So then he says (imitating Arnold) "Oh, there was a crazy old lady on the bus with pink hair and a peg leg and one eyebrow. She must've taken the money by mistake."

Stinky

Pink hair and one eyebrow?

Harold

That's insane!

Sid

I'll tell ya! He made the whole thing up to keep the money. Arnold is the most dishonest guy around.

Harold

He's so crummy!

Rhonda

You think you know a person, and then he does something like this!

(Nadine gets her attention, and points to Arnold and Gerald walking to the lockers)

Rhonda

Sh-sh. Here he comes.

(Arnold stuffs some textbooks into his locker. Sid observes the watch on Arnold's arm)

Sid

Where'd you get the new watch?

Arnold

Oh, my grandpa gave it to me.

(The kids stare at him with disbelieving looks)

Sid

Oh, really? Your grandpa happened to give you a brand new very expensive watch the day after you claimed you lost the three thousand nine hundred thirty seven dollars we found to an old lady with pink hair, a peg leg, and ONE EYEBROW!?

Arnold

Well, actually he gave it to me last month. I just haven't worn it till today.

Sid

You expect me to believe that?

Arnold

Yes. Yes I do. (shuts his locker and walks away)

Sid

A brand new watch. Isn't that a coincidence?

Gerald

Well, it's a little strange but--

Sid

Three thousand nine hundred thirty seven dollars, Gerald! Think about it. (walks away)

Mr. Simmons' classroom

(In class, Arnold is reading a book, when Sid crouches under his desk)

Sid

Pretty fancy shoes, Arnold. Did your grandpa give them to ya?

Arnold

I've worn these shoes before, Sid.

Sid

Sure, Arnold, sure. (goes to Gerald) New watch, new shoes?

Gerald

(whispering) Just a coincidence.

Sid

Or it's proof that Arnold stole our three thousand nine hundred and thirty seven dollars. Think about it.

P.S. 118 Hallway

(After school...)

Arnold

Wanna go to the arcade?

Gerald

(fully convinced) Uh, uh I don't know. I gotta make plans. I-I promised Timberly I'd-I-uh play old maid with her.

Arnold

"Old maid"? You hate that game.

Gerald

Well, you know uh, she's my sister and I promised her so... (starts to go)

Arnold

Okay, maybe tomorrow.

Gerald

(walking off) Yeah, sure. Maybe tomorrow.

Street

(At an ice cream truck, Arnold, with his friends, pays for a popsicle, but Sid pops out from the truck)

Sid

Where'd you get the ten bucks?

Arnold

Oh, it's from my birthday.

Sid

Your birthday was six months ago. How many birthdays do you have in a year? That's insane!

(Arnold receives his popsicle and walks away as Sid is kicked out of the truck by the ice cream man)

Sid

Why don't you just bring a hundred, Arnold? I mean, what's a hundred out of three thousand nine hundred and thirty seven dollars!?

Gerald

Take it easy, Sid.

Sid

It was our money and he stole it!

Arnold

I didn't steal anything!

Sid

Liar! You stole it and you know it! You're a rat Arnold! A ratfink! (to all else watching) You're all witnesses! Arnold stole our money! He's a rat! A RATFINK!!

(Everyone stares at Arnold with disapproval)

Gerald's House

(Later, at Gerald's...)

Arnold

Hey, Gerald. You want to play catch?

Gerald

I can't. I uhhhh... have to help my mom with some wallpapering.

Arnold

(unconvinced) Gerald, what's wrong?

Gerald

(nervous) Uh-uh, nothing's wrong. I don't know what you mean.

Arnold

You're avoiding me, making up excuses every time I want you to go somewhere.

Gerald

Uh, I haven't noticed.

Arnold

It's about the money, isn't it? Look, I told you what happened, and I know it sounds weird, but it's the truth.

Gerald

Right, yeah that's the truth. I know.

Arnold

You don't believe me.

Gerald

I didn't say I didn't believe you!

Arnold

But you don't, do you?

Gerald

I don't...I don't know.

Arnold

(begins to walk away) Well, maybe we shouldn't be friends anymore.

Gerald

Come on, Arnold. Don't be like that. It's not that I don't believe you, it's just that...your story is a little weird.

Arnold

Don't worry about it, Gerald. You don't have to believe me. I know I'm telling the truth and it's all that matters.

(Arnold walks away, leaving Gerald alone)

Gerald

Arnold, wait!

(...too late)

Sunset Arms Boarding House

(At Arnold's home, Monkeyman runs by, having escaped dogs that are barking from off-screen. Inside the house...)

Arnold

Sid said I took the money and now not even Gerald believes me.

Phil

Well, you told everybody the truth, didn't ya?

Arnold

Yeah.

Phil

Then what are you worried about!? So what if everybody hates ya and you even lied to your best friend? Who needs 'em? I'll be your best friend. I'll be just me and you like frick and frack. Then I'll grow old an-do'h wait a minute, I'm already old. Okay, you'll grow old alone-- (as Phil continues, Arnold begins to zone out) --with no one to talk to and nothing to comfort you except your fond memories of me....I'm not helping, am I?

Arnold

That's okay, Grandpa.

Phil Man, I know you're in a funk, but when you get as old as me, you'll realize that no matter what terrible things happen to you, you'll always go past 'em. (holds up his sandwich) Take this liver sandwich for instance. The second I took a bite, I knew I made a mistake. You see, this ham's been in the back of the refrigerator for weeks. It's bad ham, Arnold. I probably will be sittin' in my armrest for the rest of the night and half of the day tomorrow, but I'm not gonna let that get me down, and you know why? Because I know this bad ham will pass... literally. In a week from now, I'll forget all about the pain and suffering of food poisoning, just like how you'll forget all about your problem.

Arnold

Thanks, Grandpa. I hope you're right.

Phil

Me too, 'cause I feel like I just swallowed a hot meat. Oh oh. (walks to the living room in discomfort)

Cafeteria

(The next day; Sid and the kids are spying on Arnold)

Sid

Look at him. What a weasel. If he thinks he can get away with this, he's got another thing comin'!

(Arnold turns to them, making Sid stop talking; Gerald shows up, making Arnold smile from his presence, but Gerald decides to go elsewhere, upsetting Arnold)

P.S. 118 Playground

(Later, at the playground)

Sid

We really should do something about Arnold. We can't just let him get away with this, can we? (the students agree) We'll teach him a lesson! We should make him pay! We have to make him admit that he took that money!!

(Everyone goes over to Arnold)

Sid

Admit it, Arnold. Just admit that you stole that money!

Arnold

I didn't steal it, Sid.

(The students voice their disagreement)

Sid

I say we tie him up to the tetherball pole!

(The angry kids pick up Arnold and carry him to the tetherball court)

Arnold

What are you doing!? I didn't do it! Doesn't anybody believe me?

Gerald

(off-screen) I do!

(Everyone stops what they are doing to stare at Gerald)

Gerald

Arnold's my best friend, and even though his story sounds farfetched, even crazy and made up, well, I believe him. I'll prove that he didn't take that money, my man here's true blue and I'm stickin' by it.

Arnold

Thanks, Gerald.

Gerald

Don't mention it. (to the class) I know if you all think about it, you'll realize that Arnold is telling the truth all along. I mean, forget about being mad at him for something he didn't even do in the first place. (the kids appear to look down in shame) Now, what you do say?

Sid

I say we tie him up to the tetherball pole!

(the kids continue their ruthless torture towards Arnold, until a police car shows up at the school)

Gerald

WAIT!!!

(The old woman from earlier steps out from the back. Everyone is astonished that Arnold was indeed telling the truth the whole time. They help Arnold down)

Old Woman

Is there a boy here named Arnold?

Gerald

He's right here.

Sid

Who the heck is that?

Stinky

I reckon it's an old lady with pink hair, a peg leg, and one eyebrow.

Old Woman

I've been looking for you. I took your bag by mistake and found all that money, so I turned it into the police, but it wasn't until yesterday that I found your bus pass. (takes it out of her coat and hands it to Arnold) It's your bag. You can take it to the police station at any time.

Arnold

Actually, Gerald, Sid and I found the money, and we were on our way to turn it in.

Officer

Well, the money's safe now, and if no one claims it within ninety days, then it's yours to keep.

(He and the old woman leave. The class apologizes to Arnold before walking off. Sid saves his apology until after the group leaves)

Sid

Arnold, I am so sorry! I treated you like a criminal, and a common thief. I even called you a liar! What can I do to make it up to you? Oh, I know! If nobody claims the money in ninety days, then I'll give you my share.

Arnold

Okay, Sid.

Sid

Great! So, you forgive me right?

Arnold

Of course I do. I would've forgiven you anyways. (he walks off with Gerald)

Sid

Even if I didn't give you my share?

Arnold

Well then, I'm keepin' it. All one thousand three hundred and twelve dollars.

Gerald

Plus change.

Sid

Wait a minute. Now that you mention it, that is a lot of money. And we wouldn't have found it at all if it wasn't for the fact that I can't dribble. Daw! Come on, we're partners, right? Arnold? Arnold!? HEEEEEY ARRRRNOOOOOLDDD!!!! (crying)

(The episode ends)