LILA: And the farmer said,
"That's no kid,
that's my baby goat."
(ALL LAUGHING)
Oh, brother.
Why does everybody
have to be so crazy
over that Lila?
Even Arnold.
STINKY: I reckon,
when I get growed up
I'm gonna ask Lila
to be my gal.
Not if I ask her first.
STINKY: What about you,
Arnold?
Are you holding a torch
for Miss Lila, too?
I don't know, Stinky.
I mean, I like Lila,
but I don't like her like her.
He doesn't like her like her.
(THUDS)
Oh, Arnold!
So discriminant,
so patient and thoughtful.
Spurning the golden girl
and saving his affections
for one less likely,
yet perhaps,
ultimately more deserving.
One who may not be
the prettiest or the wittiest,
but whose primitive beauty,
grace and charms
lie tragically unobserved
and unawakened.
Someone like... Me,
Helga G. Pataki.
Oh, Arnold,
bane of my existence,
blight upon my tortured heart,
if only you knew
my true feelings for you.
And, if only you felt
the same true feelings
on towards me.
Dare I imagine,
if only for one brief
mad moment it were true.
Call me mad, but I dare.
I dare,
with this chalk
and no witnesses in sight,
I will write the words
upon this wall
which bear my soul,
expressing all.
I hope, I dream,
I pine and I pray,
it was true forever and a day.
"Arnold...
"Loves...
"Helga."
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATION)
RHONDA:
She mixed navy blue and black.
What was she thinking?
Totally outrageous.
So I said,
"Excuse me, Miss Thing,
"this is the fashion police
and I'm going to have
to write you a ticket."
Hold up, girls.
"Arnold loves Lila"?
Gosh!
I wonder if it's true.
Of course, it's true.
It's written on the wall.
"Arnold loves Lila."
Oh, but I'm sure there is
some reasonable explanation.
Of course, there is.
The explanation
is that Arnold loves you.
It couldn't possibly be true.
Could it?
Now, why wouldn't it be true?
Everybody likes you, Lila.
You're smart
and funny and pretty,
and next to me,
you're the best dresser
in the whole class.
It makes sense to me.
He's probably just too shy
to tell you himself.
So, he wrote it
on the wall anonymously,
hoping his secret wish
would come true.
So romantic.
Gosh, I never really thought
about Arnold that much.
I mean, I always thought
he liked me,
but I never thought
he liked me liked me.
RHONDA: Well, he does, Lila.
And, I think
it's terribly sweet.
He's really a very nice boy.
Hello, Arnold.
Hi, Lila.
I was thinking,
maybe we could
sit together at lunch.
Sure, I guess so.
"Sure, I guess so"?
That's just like you, Arnold.
It is?
Oh, Arnold,
you don't have to pretend.
I know how you really feel.
How I really feel?
About me. I know you like me.
Well, sure, Lila. I like you.
Well, I know you like me,
but I also know
that you like me like me.
Huh? I don't know
what you're talking about.
Oh, Arnold,
that's just like you
to be shy about your feelings.
You don't have
to pretend anymore.
Lila...
Don't try to deny it.
I read what you wrote
on the wall.
"Arnold loves Lila."
And, now that I know
your true and honest
feelings about me,
I wanna spend as much time
with you as possible.
But...
You don't have to say
anything, Arnold.
I want you to know, Arnold,
I certainly enjoyed
our lunch together.
I'm getting to know you
so much better now
that I know
how deeply you feel about me.
Lila, about that...
I think we should spend
as much time together
as possible, don't you?
Actually...
We can do
our homework together,
and eat lunch
together every day.
Oh, Arnold, I just wanna know
everything about you.
I really do, ever so much.
Well, that's very,
very nice, Lila.
Isn't it romantic,
Arnold and Lila?
They really do make just
a terribly cute couple.
Arnold!
That stupid football head!
And, coincidentally
the tortured object
of my most hallowed
and best affections,
is glued to Lila,
instead of me!
And the worst part is,
I did this to myself!
If only I had left
what I wrote on the wall.
If only I wasn't so gutless,
maybe Arnold would be
cozying up to me,
instead of that Little Miss
Perfect phony, Lila.
(SIGHS)
(WHEEZING)
(INAUDIBLE)
(TAUNTING)
Arnold and Lila
sitting in a tree...
ALL: (TAUNTING)
K-I-S-S-I-N-G
Cut it out.
Ooh, Mr. Sensitive.
I am telling you guys,
I do not have a crush on Lila.
Well, since you
deny it so much,
I reckon it must be true.
ALL: (TAUNTING)
First stop's love,
then comes marriage...
The problem is
she thinks I like her
like her, understand?
Of course, I understand.
What the heck
are you talking about?
You think I should
just tell her the truth?
Just say,
"Lila, I don't really like you
the way you think I..."
No! Oh, no!
Whatever you do,
don't tell her that.
It will crush her spirit,
brand her for life!
Well, what should I do then?
Well, Arnold, let me tell ya,
I have no idea!
You see, the thing is,
even though I like you,
I don't really
like you like you.
But I read the writing
on the wall,
"Arnold loves Lila."
I thought that you...
I don't know who wrote
those words on the wall,
or why, but it wasn't me.
Oh.
I'm really, really sorry.
I guess it was an accident,
or a bad joke, or something.
That's okay, Arnold.
I understand.
But, we can still
be good friends, right?
(SIGHING)
RHONDA:
Just look at the poor kid.
Ever since Arnold dumped her
she's been moping around.
Well, if it isn't
Mister Fickle, himself.
Huh? What do you mean?
First, you write,
"Arnold loves Lila,"
on the wall. And then,
when she starts to like you,
you decide you don't like her.
Fickle.
Rhonda, I did not write
that on the wall.
Oh, sure. Deny it now.
Oh, no.
This can't be happening.
I think, I like her like her.
Lila, there's something
I need to tell you.
LILA: Why, certainly, Arnold.
But what is it?
Well, I can't tell you
right now.
All I can say is
it's really important.
Well, okay, Arnold.
I'll meet you in the park
by the fountain after school.
I'll be looking
oh, so forward to it.
This is it.
My worst nightmare come true.
Today, in the park
by the fountain,
Arnold will express to Lila
feelings of love,
of romantic abandon
that for tortured years
I prayed he would
someday express to me.
Only he'll be gushing them
not to me,
but to another, to Lila.
Oh, what fresh torment
is this?
What ultimate nightmare
of my nine-year-old existence
am I about to endure?
(WHEEZING)
(GROWLING)
(CRASHING)
ARNOLD:
The reason I asked you here
is I have something
to say to you.
I didn't realize it
until last night,
but the truth is,
I realized that I don't
just like you.
I actually like you like you.
It's funny
you should say that,
because last week,
after you told me
that you like me but
you didn't like me like me,
well, I went home
and I felt pretty bad
for a while.
I am sorry, Lila.
But, after I had a chance
to think about it
I realized that the reason
I liked you liked you
was because I thought
you liked me liked me.
And, when I realized
that you never really
liked me liked me,
I realized that I never really
liked you liked you.
You didn't?
I always liked you, Arnold,
but after all
that's happened between us,
when I'm really honest
with myself, the truth is
I don't like you like you.
I just like you.
Is that okay?
You're dumping me, aren't you?
Not in so many words,
because I really admire you
and I treasure our friendship,
ever so much.
So, you're dumping me,
aren't you?
Well, yes.
I'm ever so sorry.
The last thing
I ever wanna do is hurt you.
I understand.
We can still be good friends,
can't we?
Sure, Lila.
I guess I should be
getting home.
I'll see you
in school, Arnold.
(BRANCH BREAKING)
Helga?
Hey, football head,
how's it going?
What're you doing here?
Nothing, just climbing trees.
And, boy,
do I love climbing trees.
Good, healthy exercise.
I guess so.
So, I couldn't help
overhearing.
I guess, Lila dumped you?
Yeah.
I guess she dumped you
pretty good.
Yeah.
Dumped you flat,
hung you out to dry.
Doesn't like you like you,
just likes you,
but still wants to be friends?
Mm-hm.
You okay, Arnold?
Yeah, I'm okay.
I guess you really
liked her, huh?
Don't worry,
you'll bounce back.
There's plenty of other fish
in the sea, right?
Yeah. It's funny,
when you like someone
and they don't
really like you back,
it's not so bad.
But, when you really
like them like them,
but you find out
they just like you, it hurts.
Have you ever felt that way
about someone, Helga?
Who, me? No. No.
No, of course not.
Don't be ridiculous.
But I can understand
how you must feel.
Thanks, Helga.
You going home?
Yeah, I guess so.
Could I maybe walk with you?
(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)
Well, sure, Arnold.
I mean, whatever floats
your boat, football head.
Yeah, she's
a real beaut, Arnold.
She is tough!